Hello! And welcome to the Jhoira deck that exists on a plane beyond the concepts of "casual", "competitive", and "playing lands."
Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ®
Do you hate playing long commander games? Do you want the game to be as over ASAP? Do you also have pride issues and don't want to concede? Are you okay with doing morally questionable things from time to time? Do you believe in a higher power? Then this is the deck for you.
50 years ago, on July 8, 2019, Paradox Engine was banned, crushing the combo line of the original Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain® deck. For centuries, this deck lay dormant, waiting for the revival of the ancient faith. Then I realized I could just do the combo with Krark-Clan Ironworks, and do it with 3 fewer cards because of Jeweled Lotus.
So yeah. It’s been a while. I’m sorry.
But now we’re back, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Explanation of Combo
Before playing, you must do the following::
Ask for, and receive, divine intervention from your deity of choice.
Opening hand
Your God is with you! Here's how he/she had rewarded your faith:
It’s easy, okay? Begin the game with Leyline of Anticipation on the battlefield. Insist your opponent go first, telling them it's God's will.
Then, during your opponent’s upkeep or whenever on their turn, flash in Jeweled Lotus and Lotus Petal. Use those to cast Jhoira, Weatherlight Captain. Cast Mana Crypt (draw a card), tap it to cast Mana Vault (draw a card) and float one colorless mana, then tap Mana Vault for the four colorless mana needed to cast Krark-Clan Ironworks (draw a card). You should have four cards in hand, all of which should be artifacts. From among them, cast any zero-cost artifact or use Krark-Clan Ironworks to sac rocks to pay for one or two-cmc artifacts, drawing cards from Jhoira along the way. Eventually, draw into and cast Aetherflux Reservoir, and continue casting artifacts and drawing cards, gaining life from the Reservoir until you have enough to machine gun all of your opponents with Aetherflux Reservoir (style points if you hit them all with multiple activations). Thank your opponent for going first.
Combo Notes
In the event that you don’t have any zero-cost artifacts in hand once you get Krark-Clan Ironworks out, you can use the Ironworks to sac Mana Vault and Mana Crypt to pay for whatever is in your hand and start the combo.
On that note, Feldon's Cane can allow us to redo the combo just to make sure our opponents get the message. It's like re-watching our favorite movie.
Because this combo leaves us with some extra cards in hand, the deckbuilder has the opportunity to include alternative win-cons like Laboratory Maniac, or protection like Pact of Negation or Fierce Guardianship.
Run a cheap sac outlet or two. Jhoira isn't a 'may' ability so you don't want to mill yourself.
Hopefully Aetherflux Reservoir isn't at the bottom, but even if it is, you can use Ashnod's Altar to sac and recast Jhoira enough times (with all the mana rocks you’ve collected) to get enough Reservoir triggers, thus enough life to kill everyone.
Notes on Deck construction
You may notice I run exactly zero lands. That's because this deck has no use for such trivial things.
I have included every zero-cost artifact legal in commander. And also Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh. This is for extra flavor and also free cantrips are great! This also provides consistency for the 4 cards in hand that might be needed to start the combo.
All of the 1 cost artifacts are here to keep the curve as low as possible. I have carefully chosen them for their utility, uselessness, jankyness, flavor, reputation, names, and most importantly, artwork.
And a few sac outlets, just in case.
STANDARD MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® . It probably isn't.
If you are pregnant, ask your doctor if Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® is right for you. If you are hoping to become pregnant, Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® should get the job done first try.
Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® is not for everyone. It may cause serious allergic reactions or suicidal thoughts or actions (from your opponents, obviously). Tell your doctor right away if you have these symptoms: new or worsening/improving/stabilizing depression or unusual changes in mood or behavior (such as maniacal laughter, or urge to rub hands together evilly), trouble breathing (caused by the rush of playing the deck), rash, hives, blisters (from unsleeved cards), changes in eyesight including blurry vision (blinded by the sheer awesomeness of deck), muscle pain with fever, or tired feeling (playing can drain energy). Common side effects are dizziness (from how fast you win), a sudden spike in heart rate (for everyone), sweating (winner's sweat, don't worry), sleepiness, loss of appetite (how can food compare to this?), loss of taste and smell (it overwhelms the senses), weight gain, weight loss, weight staying the same, numbness or cold feeling in your hands, feet or soul, swelling of hands, legs, feet, and ego, and a massive increase of your sex drive. Don’t drink alcohol while taking Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® . Wait--scratch that. Do drink alcohol while taking Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® . Don’t drive or use machinery until you know how Jhoira, Turn 0 Combo Captain ® affects you.
If you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours...wait--scratch that, when you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, upvote the deck.
Amen! If the prophets are correct, the next two cards should be Grim Monolith and Paradox Engine, in that order, then any 0 cost artifact. This Combo is very consistent 0.00000000001% of the time.
C-C-C-C-C-C-COMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Begin the game with Leyline of Anticipation. Insist your opponent go first, telling them it's God's will.
During their upkeep or whenever on their turn, flash in Lotus Petal, Mox Opal and Mana Crypt for free. Use Mana Crypt to pay for Mana Vault, floating one. Tap Mana Vault, sac Lotus Petal, and tap Mox Opal to pay for Jhoira, Weatherlight Captain, floating 2 colorless now. Use that 2 to pay for Sol Ring and Voltaic Key, drawing two cards off of Jhoira. Tap Sol Ring to tap Voltaic Key to untap Mana Vault, floating 1, tap Mana Vault for 3 to cast Grim Monolith(which you just drew, amen!), draw a card, now floating 2 mana total. Tap Grim Monolith for 3 and use the floating 2 to cast Paradox Engine(which you just drew, hallelujah!), drawing a card. Cast any 0 cost artifact from the 2 cards in your hand(see notes for alt win-con). Draw a card from Jhoira. Untap all your stuff with Paradox Engine. Continue casting 0 and 1 cost artifacts, drawing through your deck(and tapping all of your mana artifacts, getting loads of mana) until you find Aetherflux Reservoir. Cast it. Draw a card again. Continue casting and drawing and casting and drawing until you have gained enough life to machine gun your opponents with Aetherflux Reservoir. Thank your opponent for going first.
Combo Notes
Because you have 2 cards in hand to start the Paradox Engine combo, you can actually have one(1) non-artifact card of your choice in the deck, because the other 0 cost artifact can continue the combo. You could add Laboratory Maniac as an alt win-con, a land to use for Mox Diamond(why would you though), or s counterspell like Pact of Negation for extra security.
Run a cheap sac outlet or two. Jhoira isn't a 'may' ability so you don't want to mill yourself.
Hopefully Aetherflux Reservoir isn't at the bottom, but even if it is, you can use Ashnod's Altar to sac and recast Jhoira enough times(with all the mana you've collected as part of the untapping shenanigans) to get enough Reservoir triggers, thus enough life.
Note on Deck construction
You may notice I run exactly 0 lands. That's because this deck has no use for such trivial things.
I have included every 0 cost artifact legal in commander. This is for extra flavor and also free cantrips are great! This provides consistency for either the 10th or the 11th card to be a 0 cost artifact.
All of the 1 cost artifacts are here to keep the curve as low as possible. I have carefully chosen them for their utility, uselessness, jankyness, flavor, reputation, names, and most importantly, artwork.
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