Disclaimer
Hey guys, just letting you know ahead of time, everything that you read in this deck description is just a joke and should not be taken seriously. I don't think you're a scrub if you think Elspeth is jank or whatever else is garbage and I will appreciate any advice anybody can bestow upon me. I'm not here to insult or offend anybody I just like to kid around and make people laugh.
Also, ladies, I understand that some of what I wrote may come off as gender biased but before any insult is suffered, I just want to point out that I am not sexist or a chauvinist at all. I actually speak like this and you could ask any of my friends, I refer to both women and men as dude, buddy or whatever else male-associated nickname. Please don't be offended.
That being said, I hope you like the deck list and I hope that I at least get you guys to crack a smile or chuckle . Any help is appreciated!
Description
I currently run a RBW Midrange deck and one of my biggest things with Magic has always been this: If you are going to play competitively, pick four colors and focus on decks revolving around those four colors! I started off with RBW and now I threw green into the picture in order to ensure that I have a choice of thirteen different color combinations (do note that mono colors and four color is included) which makes me feel like I have more than enough options without wasting as much money in turn. I chose to start off with RBW mostly because of Obzedat, Elspeth in the mainboard and Slaughter Games and Rakdos's Return in the sideboard so now I present to you......
Naya's Museum of Monsters and Mayhem
Mainboard
Arbor Colossus; Definitely a one of in this deck. 6/6 for five is already an amazing start. BUT WAIT! He has reach! BUT WAIT! He becomes a 9/9! BUT WAIT! He kills a flier when he becomes a 9/9! Damn right guys?
Archangel of Thune: So jumping into this deck with this card being second might be a little confusing to some people but there is in fact a bit of lifegain in this deck so the Archangel does in fact play its part. Ooze, the Bow, Courage, itself. It can actually be a serious game changer, especially if it hits the floor turn four.
Bow of Nylea: This is mostly just a tech of mine to play around with deathtouch and boost my dudes up even more. I like this tech personally because deathtouch is always scary and Nylea is mad kinky when she gets turned on (giggity)
Chained to the Rocks: One of my favorite white removal spells ever. It exiles for one white mana and only requires a mountain which I run nine of. Definitely a good one for one.
Domri Rade: Okay, in all seriousness, if you looked at this deck list and went "Why run Domri? He's not even that good! This deck doesn't need him!" I have some good news and bad news. Good news, you can definitely play Yu-gi-oh or Vanguard for your TCG hobby. Bad news, you should really reconsider investing into Magic the Gathering.... Domri is more often than not a free draw that can make creatures fight and that makes everything a hasty, double striking, trampling, hexproof machine of utter madness and disaster. Seriously, third most broken Planeswalker in this game right now.
Elspeth, Sun's Champion: So yea.... if you were one of those people saying that Domri shouldn't be in this deck and you're still reading this, if you are saying "Elspeth is garbage man! Why would you even play her?" then really you should reconsider playing this game dude I'm sorry but it's that or you have to speak to more experienced players and join forums. Elspeth is the BEST Planeswalker in Standard right now and she is the best Planeswalker that wasn't absolutely disgusting and overpowered (I'm looking at you Jace, the Mind Sculptor don't you dare act innocent).
Elvish Mystic: The main mana ramp in the game. Able to create a turn two Domri, turn three Xenagos, turn five Elspeth and that is only in the conditions of him being that only ramp on board. He makes a lot of this deck possible actually.
Ember Swallower: Yea so ya know what really sucks? Being mana screwed. Wanna know what sucks even more? Being mana screwed and losing three lands. Ember Swallower is EVERY control deck's worst nightmare. Losing three lands in this deck hurts a little but not as much as a control deck losing three lands.
Fleecemane Lion: Fleecemane Lion is kind of like that 3/3 for 2 that becomes a 4/4 indestructible/hexproof beast. Oh wait no. He IS that 3/3 for 2 that becomes a 4/4 indestructible/hexproof beast. Seriously a 3/3 for 2 is already mad good in my book but when I saw his Monstrosity ability I was sold on the spot.
Garruk, Caller of Beasts: Definitely a good Planeswalker in my book and a very good one in this deck. Regardless of how you look at it, you always go plus with him. He thins the deck and fetches creatures while avoiding useless lands. He drops bodies on the floor that you might not have sufficient mana for. Even his emblem is damn tasty sounding! It's just a nice day when he is in that opening hand 90% of the time.
Heliod, God of the Sun: Okay here's where I have to start explaining myself to people. Most people would think to themselves "Well it'll be really hard to turn him on? Why play him? Is it only for that vigilance ability?" Well the answer is yes. Not gonna lie guys, he's there just to give my dudes vigilance. I know it sounds like a waste, but I'm only running the one of and I feel like he is a pretty useful card when he gets on the field.
Mizzium Mortars: Anti- Blood Baron, anti-swarm, anti-Stormbreath. Overload for maximum hate. I love this card. I really do.
Nylea, God of the Hunt: So yea. You heard about this girl right? People be saying she's nothing and all that? No lie guys, homegirl got game. Her trample ability is pretty nice, no doubt about that but the thing that sold me is that she's a 6/6 for 4. The only other 6/6 for 4 is Alms Beast who gives anything blocking or blocked lifelink, Desecration Demon who can just be tapped down or Rakdos, Lord of Riots who requires your opponent to get hit somehow. All in all, Nylea is better because she can't be destroyed, has trample and only needs five green symbols (four if you already factor in her one) to get turned on. She brings the hurt.
Polukranos, World Eater: So yea... 5/5 for 4 that becomes monstrous and just eats weenies. Definitely has my vote regardless of what anybody says.
Scavenging Ooze: He just eats, and eats, and eats, and eats. Now I'm not a fool or anything. I know my guys can get killed. Devour Flesh, Doom Blade, Mizzium Mortars, Far and Away etc. etc. So why not gain some bonuses from my fallen comrades? Hell, why not gain some bonuses from my opponent's comrades while I'm at it! Plus, a very anti- Whip card. Just saying.
Stormbreath Dragon: Really people? He's a Thundermaw Hellkite that becomes a 7/7 and is pro-white. I don't think there's a question here.
Sylvan Caryatid: Elvish Mystic but better. 0/3 Defender that can make any mana I might be lacking? Oh btw, he's hexproof so put that Hero's Downfall away buddy.
Unflinching Courage: Definitely a good card in my book. I only run one for the Fleecemane Lions and it's more of a win-more card and less of a win condition.
Warleader's Helix: A quick kill against most early/late game plays and could easily be the winning play. I love it but only feel comfortable with the one. Plus it can be a nice surprise with the Archangel of Thunes
Xenagos, the Reveler: That's right guys! I run the first, second and third best Planeswalkers in Standard. SUCH A GOOD CARD! SO MUCH MANA! SO MANY BODIES! Definitely a three of. Hands down and no questions about it.
Sideboard
Blasphemous Act: "But wait punk.... that hurts you too?!" Yes, I agree my fellow MTG enthusiast but, alas... sometimes one must suffer the slings and arrows of hardship to wipe a board full of 1/1 Master of Waves tokens... sadly, it must be done at times. Still a good card, don't care.
Boros Reckoner: Versus aggro decks, it's good to have something slowing them down drastically. With that being said, Boros Reckoner slows opponents down very drastically and, to top it off, he can be a bonus from playing Blasphemous Act.
Fiendslayer Paladin: I hate mono-black devotion and I hate mono-red devotion and I hate cards that kill cards and I hate people that play them that aren't me. 'Nuff said.
Loxodon Smiter: Sideboard only because he can't go monstrous and because I feel like he hurts control more than he hurts aggro. Aggro and Midrange have early game ways to deal with him. Control has a little trouble with him.
Pithing Needle: Look man, Elspeth, Xenagos and Domri are the top three but Ashiok is just annoying to deal with okay? I hate Ashiok!
Ratchet Bomb: Did I mention I hate Assemble the legions as well?
Rootborn Defenses: Did I mention I hate Supreme Verdict also? I would list all the cards I hate but that would take WAY TOO LONG.....
Ruric Thar, the Unbowed: I just like watching Esper players squirm sometimes. It's a habit that I'm trying to work on so don't pressure me....
