ALRIGHT YOU PUNY LITTLE MODERN PLAYERS LISTEN UP
IVE GOT A SIX DOLLAR MODERN DECK THAT CONSISTENTLY WINS ON TURN 6 (given you last that long)
YOU MISERABLE SCRUBS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE COMPLEXITY. I'M GONNA RUN THROUGH EVERY CARD, WATCH THIS:
Island
. HOLY SHIT. THIS IS HANDS DOWN THE BEST CARD IN THE GAME. WHY?
Laboratory Maniac
. THIS GUY MAY NOT SEEM LIKE MUCH, BUT HE PUMPS MORE VALUE THAN A HEARD OF
Siege Rhino
s IN A
Scalding Tarn
SNORTING PURE 100% CRYSTAL
Black Lotus
. LOOK AT THOSE LAST FOUR WORDS. FUCKING LOOK AT THEM. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY? YOU WIN THE GAME, SHITSTICK PUT AWAY YOUR
Spellskite
, THIS IS GOD TIER MAGIC.
Reach Through Mists
. WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST WORDS IN MAGIC BESIDES "WIN THE GAME"?
DRAW.
A.
CARD.
CANTRIPS. FUCKING CANTRIPS.
Treasure Hunt
. PUT AWAY YOUR MISERABLE
Zombie Infestation
WE DON'T NEED YOUR DAMNED TOKENS. WE WIN WITH RAW CARD DRAW. NOTHING BEATS RAW CARD DRAW.
Fathom Trawl
. DID YOU JUST SPEND 20$ ON A PLAYSET OF
Serum Visions
? SUCKS TO BE YOU, BUSTER. THIS LITTLE FUCKER WORKS LIKE A CHARM WHEN 93% OF YOUR DECK IS LAND.
HERE'S HOW THE COMBO WORKS. PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND FUCKED HARDER THAN TWIN PLAYERS AFTER JANUARY 18TH.
TURN 1:
Island
TURN 2: ANOTHER ONE.
TURN 3: ANOTHER ONE.
TURN 4: ANOTHER ONE.
TURN 5: ANOTHER ONE.
Fathom Trawl
THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIBRARY AND WATCH YOUR OPPONENT STAND IN PURE AWE AT THE CREAMY ISLANDY GOODNESS. THE THREE OTHER NONLAND CARDS IN YOUR DECK ARE IN THE SWEET EMBRACE OF YOUR HAND.
TURN 6: SLAM THAT MOTHERFUCKING
Laboratory Maniac
ON TO THE TABLE SO HARD THAT YOUR LGS NEEDS TO CALL A FUCKING AMBLUANCE TO FIX YOUR PLAYMAT. YOU DRAW YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING DECK WITH
Treasure Hunt
.
WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?
OH SHIT
Island
.
Reach Through Mists
.
YOU WIN, MOTHERFUCKER.
ANY QUESTIONS?
(FEEDBACK IS WELCOME, CAPS LOCK AND UNNECESSARY PROFANITY REQUIRED)
