Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Sure
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Uh huh
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster
Right
You're both Monsters
Yeah
Are you two related?
What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racist
Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking
Well, it's a touchy subject
No, not all monsters are related
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?
No, no, no, oh, not at all
I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist
I should say so
You should be much more careful
When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race
Well, look who's talking
What do you mean?
What about that special Monster school you told me about?
What about it?
Could someone like me go there?
No, we don't want people like you
Ha ha ha ha ha, you see?
You're a little bit racist
Well, you're a little bit too
I guess we're both a little bit racist
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do
But I guess it's true
Between me and you
I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face
Everyone makes judgments based on race
No, not big judgments, like who to hire
Or who to buy a newspaper from
No
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English
Right
Everyone's a little bit racist today
So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them, so relax
All right, stop me if you've heard this one
Okay
Alright there's a plane going down
And there's only one parachute
And there's a Rabbi, a priest
And a black guy
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Uh
You were telling a black joke
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes
I don't
Well, of course you don't, you're black
But I bet you tell polack jokes, right?
Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Well, damn, I guess you're right
You're a little bit racist
Well, you're a little bit too
We're all a little bit racist
I think that I would have to agree with you
We're glad you do
It's sad but true
Everyone's a little bit racist, all right
All right
All right
All right
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us get along
Oh, Christ do I feel good?
Now there was a fine upstanding black man
Who?
Jesus Christ
But, Gary, Jesus was white
No, Jesus was black
No, Jesus was white
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black
Guys, guys, Jesus was Jewish
laughter
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Racism
Cool
Brian come back here
You take out lecycuraburs
What's that mean?
Um, recyclables
laughter
Hey, don't laugh at her
How many languages do you speak?
Oh, come off it, Brian
Everyone's a little bit racist
I'm not
Oh no?
Nope
How many oriental wives
Have you got?
What? Brian
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American
I know you are no intending to be
But calling me oriental, offensive to me
I'm sorry, honey, I love you
And I love you
But you're racist, too
Yes, I know
The Jews have all the money
And the whites have all the power
And I'm always in taxi cab
With driver who no shower
Me too
Me too
I can't even get a taxi

(Lyrics to "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist," from John Tartaglia's award-winning musical Avenue Q)