The flavor text of Magic 2011

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Deco_y

24 January 2011

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Hello fellow Tappedouters. Taking a break from my n00b articles(which look like they're written by a n00b, coincidence?!?), I'm going to try my hand at highlighting one of my very favorite parts of Magic, The Gathering. Flavor text. Flavor text is my second favorite part, behind the art of course, but flavor text has given me many a shiver down my spine and laughing fits that last longer then they should. So with myself burnt out over searching endlessly for new Mirrodin Besieged spoilers, I am gonna look a little father back in time and give you fine ladies and gentlemen and top ten flavor texts of the Magic 2001 core set.

Honorable Mention-

Flavor text: The void is without substance, but cuts like steel.

This flavor text is about as black as you can get folks. Not only does this badass flavor text perfectly match what "da blade" does, but the text does exactly what it should do. It accentuates the card and gives you a little smile whenever you play it. I can't even tell you how many times I've killed Baneslayer Angel with this.

Flavor text: "Please, honored friend, take it with my compliments. I insist."

One of the best stories involving Magic that I have involves Jinxed Idol. I was playing my friend recently on his birthday and we were having a pretty sweet battle. I had him down to 4 health and I was at 3. He had 2 Knight Exemplar on the field and no cards in hand and I had a Jinxed Idol and grasp-of-darkness in my hand, as well as a few aggro friendly Vamps on my field. He top decks a [[Day of Judgment and uses it, clearing my field. However, I dropped my grasp of darkness on one of his exemplars and he ended up wiping his field too. I ended up drawing a Bloodghast and played it. Next I looked at my friend and said "I have a present for you, happy birthday!" and played my idol, sac'd the Bloodghast and the idol went to my friend. He ended up top decking a land and conceded. It was the only time I ever played Jinxed Idol, and it was epic. Thank you Jinxed Idol, your flavor text made it all the sweeter.

Flavor text: "The enemy is getting too close! Quick! Inflate the toad!"

This is a prime example of the comedic taste of Wizards. Red(Goblins specifically) normally hosts the majority of the comedy in flavor, and Goblin Balloon Brigade is definitely one of the best in M11. I used to run a Goblin deck and would routinely yell "INFLATE THE TOAD!!!!" during my matches.

10: Prodigal Pyromancer-

Flavor text: "What am I looking at? Ashes, dead man."

Prodigal Pyromancer refers to the ashes he creates by destroying all those pesky tokens and cheap aggro creatures. PP doesn't see much play around where I live, but he will live on in the hearts of those who favor flavor over function. Don't get him made, or you might find your pet cat smoldering at the end of your bed tomorrow morning.

9: Lava Axe-

Flavor text: From the heart of the mountain into the heart of the mage.

"Catch". Everyone I have ever played against has uttered that word whenever they play Lava Axe on me, normally able to deal the final 5 damage needed to kill me. I'm not a fan of this card because I just think there are more efficient burn spells, but it definitely holds a place in the heart of Red players. The flavor symbolizes red's ability to burn preferably hitting those pesky mages.

8: Act of Treason-

Flavor text: "Rage courses in every heart, yearning to betray its rational prison." —Sarkhan Vol

We continue the flow of red flavor with a quote from Planeswalker Sarkhan. This is a good example of how flavor text can explain why a card was made in a certain way. Instead of the usual blue mind control, it has a distinct red feel due to the quote mentioning anger, and making it only last a turn, symbolizing short blasts of anger. A cool card with cooler flavor text.

8: Tome Scour-

Flavor text: Genius is overrated, especially when it's someone else's.

Oh, such an a-hole statement. So blue. This quote actually speaks to the spirit of blue about being creative, smart, and strategic. Blue PLAYERS, however, tend to be a tad cocky, so this also flows well into the blue mold. However, you can't deny how good it feels when you see someone's Grave Titan flop into the graveyard, all for one measly mana. Golden. Your opponent's game plan quite possibly just got pwn'd.

6: Quag Sickness-

Flavor text: The dread gases didn't kill Farbid. But as he lay in the muck, miserable and helpless, watching ghouls and rats advance on him, he wished they had.

As the top ranked black flavor, Quag Sickness has the look and feel of classic black dread. I can't even tell you how wonderful this card handled in my black vamp deck back in the day. Almost makes your opposing Planeswalker want to die from anything else, anything but an aura, which makes it oh so sinister. Black as night.

5: Canyon Minotaur-

Flavor text:
"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side."
"Isn't the shortest route through the canyon?"
"Yes."
"So shouldn't we—"
"No."

I don't want to say too much, because anything I say will just cheapen it. The flavor was clearly only meant for limited, because any other format, well, Canyon Minotaur sucks.

4: Hornet Sting-

Flavor text: It was only then—to his infinite sorrow—that Gork realized hornets don't make honey.

What? Oh Wizards, how you flop the color pie sometimes. What makes you think you can give red flavor to a green card? Low and behold, Wizards saved the most hilarious flavor for Gork and his faithful hornet. This may be one of the worst burn (in green?!?) spells in magic, but it sure is the funniest.

3: Negate-

Flavor text: Masters of the arcane savor a delicious irony. Their study of deep and complex arcana leads to such a simple end: the ability to say merely yes or no.

The flavor text of Negate symbolizes the very body of Blue in MTG. Blue players can choose from tons of different counter spells, and they can try as many different combos that they want, but it always comes down to blue counter spells, and whether you want to counter that Lightning Bolt. Yes or no, it's your choice. Negate would just like to make you feel badass while making that choice.

2: Blinding Mage-

Flavor text: "I carry the light of truth. Do not pity those it blinds, for they never had eyes to see."

White magic has always been about truth, purity, and knowing how to smite a demon or two. Therefore, the only white text on this top ten earns the number 2 spot because it screams it's symbolism from the clouds and basically tells anything that opposes to take it's ball and go home. Amazing text like this makes me glad I play magic.

1: Primeval Titan-

Flavor text: When nature calls, run.

At the tip top of the best flavor of Magic 2011, much like at the top of a hellava lot of ramp decks, reigns Primeval Titan. Green has big, big crap to throw at it's enemies, so how fitting is it when the Titan of the color is telling you to run. With the flavor spot on, matching the card's epic feel and great ability, and this is as close to the perfect art/flavor/function combo as you'll find in M11. Top spot goes to Primeval Titan in a close call, but ended up sending everything else running for the hills.

That's all for now readers. My next article will cover my Mirrodin Besieged pre-release that takes place on the 29th, and I will chronicle my matches and bring you the deck that wins it all, hopefully mine. Until then, my the spoilers be grand and I wish you all luck with your own pre-releases.