A Pale and Pallid Pachyderm

Vintage Combo Theme/Gimmick UR (Izzet)

Balaam__

Land (21)

• 5x Island
• 4x Mountain
• 4x Scalding Tarn
• 4x Steam Vents
• 4x Volcanic Island

Creature (8)

• 4x Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind
• 4x Thing in the Ice  ^Flip

Enchantment (10)

• 4x Curiosity
• 2x Delusions of Mediocrity
• 2x Enchanter's Bane
• 2x Illusions of Grandeur

Artifact (2)

• 1x Mox Ruby
• 1x Mox Sapphire

Instant (13)

• 1x Ancestral Recall
• 4x Lightning Bolt
• 4x Shock
• 4x Stern Dismissal

Sorcery (6)

• 3x Donate
• 3x Harmless Offering

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Sideboard

Instant (12)

• 4x Counterspell
• 4x Force of Will
• 4x Remand

Creature (3)

• 3x Vexing Devil

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I’m sure you’ve had the thrilling experience of being the recipient of a gift that was less than tantalizing. Of course, the next logical step is to share your pain by regifting it. Well, like Tim Whatley’s labelmaker, here’s a fun little deck built around pawning off your unwanted junk.

The Mana Base

The deck is comprised of Red and Blue cards; Red leans into the direct damage wedge of the color pie, while Blue gives access to what blue is best at-taking what is, and turning it on it’s head in unexpected ways. To facilitate these plays we have a mixture of lands that produce one or both types of mana.

•Volcanic Island is the ideal Turn 1 land drop. 4 copies of this utility land, no question.

•Steam Vents also gives us access to Izzet mana, albeit for a small price.

•Scalding Tarn can pilfer whichever basic land we need at the moment, for a modest point of life.

•Islands and Mountains round out the mana pool.

The Gift

•Illusions of Grandeur looks great at first glance, until you read the fine print. It’s the MtG card equivalent of a shady car salesman. His sole purpose in life is to present an idealistic, mouth watering appraisal of something that comes with all sorts of hidden fees...

•Delusions of Mediocrity is a carbon copy of the previous card, only scaled back. Same basic idea, right down to the so small it’s almost illegible Terms&Conditions.

The Regifting

So you’ve played the aforementioned card(s), only to look down and grimace with caster’s remorse. Let’s rewrap them and send them on their way!

•Donate is self explanatory. Here, a white elephant just for you!

•Harmless Offering is anything but. When we hand over one of our gift cards, the burden of responsibility is passed from us to our opponent. We reaped the 10 or 20 life gain profit, and they have to keep up the payments:D

You Didn’t Read The Fine Print

So now that we’ve donated our presents, there are a few ways to force our opponent to look their gift card in the mouth. Illusions of Grandeur can trigger naturally, once they fail to make a payment. Alternatively, our graveyard has two ways to repossess the cards:

•Stern Dismissal bounces either enchantment back to our hand, forcing them to pay the penalty.

•Enchanter's Bane puts the opponent on a clock. Even if they had a way to dodge their newfound contractual obligations, they now will be sapped 4 life per enchantment per turn. So mirror matches or any other conceivable contingency plan will cost life as they wait to acquire that ace in the hole or the mana needed to cast it.

Enablers

Below are detailed the cards that in some way facilitate a smooth transition to reach our win con:

•Ancestral Recall is card advantage incarnate.

•Mox Ruby and Mox Sapphire are two supplemental mana sources we can play even after hitting our land drop that turn.

•Lightning Bolt is early game creature removal or even a late game finisher. At one red to cast, its efficiency can’t be beat.

•Shock functions similarly to bolt, but is toned down. Now they just need to finish the cycle and make a red card that deals only 1 damage. It would be the equivalent of rubbing your feet on the carpet and zapping someone with static electricity.

•Curiosity will be discussed below.

Creatures

•Thing in the Ice   is a fantastic, interesting, and rewarding card to play/flip. I really enjoy the mechanic behind it, and think this was a very well thought out design concept. For 2 mana we initially plop down a 0/4 defender, so we’re bolt proof and have a decent blocker. But once we get up to speed and start casting other spells, this transforms into Awoken Horror—a Lovecraftian threat that will require attention. A 7/8 that bounces all other creature types? Expect to win the odd game or two from this secondary win-con now and again.

•Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind is quite the studious scholarly Dragon. I think he should have been drawn with little pince-nez perched atop the end of his snout. At 6 mana, 2 red 2 blue and 2 generic, we won’t get him into play very often. But when we do, does he ever pull his weight.

At 4/4 he’s a middle weight presence on the battlefield, made more potent by his static and activated abilities. Each card we draw will deal a point of damage to our opponent, and Sir Nivs-a-lot can be tapped to draw a card if we find our hand running low. But his utility is kicked into overdrive if we cast Curiosity and attach it to him. The reciprocity is a thing of beauty. If M.C. Escher’s Drawing Hands were turned into a magic card, this is what it would look like. We draw a card by tapping Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind. That deals a point of damage to the opponent. Which causes us to draw a card. Which deals a point of damage to the opponent. Which causes us to draw a card. Which deals a...

So with a full enough library or a low enough life total for our opponent, this will be a third win-con to fall back on.

Win-Cons

The deck is comprised of 3 different potential win-cons that can either work in tandem or on their own.

•Aim to cast Thing in the Ice  , transforming it over time by playing burn spells, then have it flail it’s tentacles about thrashing its way to victory.

•Pair Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind and Curiosity together, then draw for the win.

•Play either Illusions of Grandeur or Delusions of Mediocrity (or both), then regift them to the opponent and trigger them for massive catastrophic life loss.

The sideboard needs work, and any suggestions or comments are most welcome.

Date added	4 years
Last updated	4 years
Legality	This deck is Vintage legal.
Rarity (main - side)	35 - 3 Rares 8 - 8 Uncommons 8 - 4 Commons
Cards	60
Avg. CMC	2.23
Folders	Vintage, Wish List