Are you just tired of waiting to devour Zandikarian allies? Are you just too busy strangling the hopes and dreams of a planeswalker to fix yourself a decent snack? Think there's no way to wrap your tentacles around a pathetic, futile spell before it's even cast? Think again!
Introducing Ingest! What's better than milling to the graveyard? Milling to exile, of course! Headlining the deck are Benthic Infiltrator and Mist Intruder; with a flyer and an unblockable creature, you're bound to ruin at least some of your opponent's day. The early game one-drops are Salvage Drone and Sludge Crawler. The Drone is great for its ability to draw and thin your own deck, and the Crawler can be pumped for a mere ! Culling Drone is basically a tentacled, nom-nom bear; that's pretty much it. And every creature listed includes Ingest! A $20 value: yours free!
But, BathChub, those creatures are awfully weak: how are they ever going to hit my opponent? Not to worry, you astute customer, we have plenty of friend-losing tricks up (and in) our sleeves to make sure your terrifying eldritch horrors chew cardboard. Vapor Snag lets you get rid of any pesky blockers and pings your opponent for 1. Additionally, you can use it to save your own creature if you want to spare the life. Hands of Binding and Rush of Ice stall out blockers. The cipher ability on Hands is amazing on creatures that can't be blocked. For straight removal, Bone Splinters can send a particularly annoying creature to the grave. And the most comical form of removal is Whisk Away: opponent tries to block ingest creature, you send it to the top of owner's deck, ingest creature attacks owner, bounced creature gets exiled.
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: be sure to kindly remind frustrated opponents that tapped creatures can still be the target of Rush of Ice and Hands of Binding. Research has shown that extended periods of tapping have no adverse effects on creatures, but its controller may be prone to violent outbursts or sweeping.
Yes, that's all very clever, but how do you win? You have two--yes two!--ways to secure victory. The first is to keep milling and chipping away at health until their plans and life run dry. Keep smacking face, tapping creatures, and exiling cards until you've either lost a friend or have removed any chance of your opponent becoming your friend. The other win condition is pumping a Sludge Crawler with an Aqueous Form attached to it and swinging for lethal. Simple? Simple.
Included with every deck are your very own Selhoff Occultists! Two are included as another way to mill your opponent's deck. The Occultist's mill mechanic synchronizes well with your Drones and with Grave Birthing. The Drone was built to die, so being able to draw from your own deck while making your opponent mill is a plus. Then, use the Grave Birthing to not only exile even more of your foe's deck, but also give you a chump blocker (Eldrazi Scion) that is also born to die or can be sacrificed for . Another use of the token could be as fodder for your Bone Splinters. Either way, the Occultist's ability will trigger.
So, order your deck today! Stop waiting for your opponent to draw and start crushing their dreams before they're even dreamt!
(On a serious note, this is my second Pauper deck that I have constructed with no outside help or research. Feedback is appreciated!Especially where the land base and sideboard are concerned.)
