Cry of the Carnarium - A small bottle of Pepto. Clinical trials have indicated an off-label use of Pepto in that it can be used to treat mild to moderate cases of the relatively unknown condition of hand diarrhea. The process by which excrement comes to enter what's known as the field of battle via the upper extremities is not well understood by modern medicine.
Ritual of Soot - It's rumored that the condition of hand diarrhea has been treated by Eastern medical practitioners for decades. While the processes haven't been published in any journals or shared with the medical community at large, we suspect involvment of some sort of dark arts.
Settle the Wreckage - A more potent mixture of bismuth subsalycilate. Only available by prescription. Studies show that it provides immediate relief of symptoms.
Supreme Verdict - For untreatable, acute cases of hand diarrhea. In an outpatient procedure, the sphincter is temporarily sutured shut using biodegradable stitches.
Test of Talents - A suppository of concentrated bismuth subsalycilate, administered as a preventative measure against this horrible condition. An Esper doctor's consultation is required before use.
Void Rend - Some individuals become overly beligerent when treatment is attempted. For these cases, treatment is enforced by an obscure council, whose very name is feared and almost always forces submission.
Cleansing Nova - Accidents do happen, and this is a product used to quickly clean the large number of stubborn stains left by individuals who couldn't reach a washroom in time.
Infernal Grasp - A toxic compound used to deal with particularly stubborn stains. Causes irreparable damage to the respiratory and nervous systems. Used only for extremely difficult to remove stains, and only as a last resort.
Vanishing Verse - Another rumored contribution of the East. It's said that a specific chant can permanently remove stains left by afflicted individuals which somehow reappear after cleaning. How either phenomenon works is unknown.
Syncopate - A product that has existed for many years. Its use in the prevention of hand diarrhea stains is relatively new, however. In a most welcome discovery, a single application of this product provides permanent stain resistance.
Necromentia - A more powerful stain prevention product (though known to occasionally cause spills), particularly when administered correctly. Its use is often speculative, thus the outcome may not be entirely desirable.
Cast Down - A relatively weak stain remover, but has mostly desirable effects. Ineffective in the removal of large, well known stains.
Devious Cover-Up - A modern miracle of a product. In a process that's not well understood, it renews stocks of medicine and stain removal compounds, while also acting as a guard against stains.
Absorb - The opposite of Infernal Grasp in that it is an effervescent compound with benefits to the health of the user in the prevention of stains.
Mortify - When an individual leaves a particularly vile stain, their embarrassment is said to sometimes cause its immediate removal.
Fracture - Still another rumored contribution of the East. On dark nights, stories are told that shattering a mirror can end the existence of individuals and stains alike. Further research is required in this area.
Teferi, Hero of Dominaria - A renowned cleaner and medical practitioner. Rumored to have command over time itself. If left to his own devices, individuals have claimed he can permanently remove stains, up to and including the very essence that causes hand diarrhea. The benefits of working with this consummate professional include freely given gifts of stain-removing compounds, treatment options, and the prevention of exhaustion. For those who receive the pleasure of working with him, he truly is a "game changer".
Chemister's Insight - The local drug store's subscription service. First use is free. Second use requires a small payment. It's said that the famous Teferi, Hero of Dominaria uses such a service in the performance of his duties.
Chromium, the Mutable - In severely acute cases, humane euthanasia is authorized by way of an encounter with an elder dragon. Death is relatively quick and merciful when this feared creature comes into close contact with the patient, often suddenly and without the hapless individual's prior warning. The costs to society for the continued existence of the patient renders their choice in the matter irrelevant. It's understandable then, that this particular last resort solution can defend itself from harm.
