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Instant (16)
Artifact (8)
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Sorcery (7)
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Before we get started, all credit goes to GrimlockVIII for the original ideas presented in the EDH deck Geralf's Budget Cuts.
Whether you’ve carelessly stepped on some Caltrops and need a tetanus booster, or you’re just Sick and Tired of getting suckered by a do-nothing Faith Healer—come to any one of our convenient locations for fast and friendly service!
•Raking in money hand over fist, Geralf maintains a private cabana on his very own Tropical Island.
•Sanitation is questionable at best in this Petri dish of a work environment; the stench of ammonia is almost as bad as the urine it’s attempting to cover up. No surprise this facility has become a Breeding Pool of germs and bacteria.
•Since walk-ins have begun complaining about the stench of blood and the odd perforated bowel, Geralf took the dollar store route and picked up a pack of Little Trees. Misty Rainforest is his preferred scent.
•Buried under a Forest of paperwork, Geralf refuses to hire an administrative assistant, preferring to think he’s an Island unto himself.
•Of course, the very nature of Geralf’s work dictates a certain level of...medical malpractice. A monument to Dr. Geralf’s ‘trial-and-error’ approach to medicine, Ancient Tomb stands in an inauspicious corner of town. Both the Lotus Petals littering the well manicured grounds and the old sepulcher itself are included to accelerate getting Stitcher Geralf into play.
As a side note, I always loved the artwork on the original Tempest version of Ancient Tomb. It reminds me of this guy.
Geralf, Butcher's Cleaver in hand, aims to slice’n’dice some fresh patients and then amalgamate them into one spectacularly hideous abomination.
An impartial mill of 3 cards from the top of each player’s library gets Geralf the cadavers he needs to handpick the finest parts to stitch together. We’ll next go over some cards that help us set up the optimal conditions for Geralf to do his work.
Rather than operate under a ‘first come, first served’ basis, Geralf’s Walk-In Clinic has adopted a less orthodox approach. Geralf takes patients according to their power—and to verify that, one is required to fill out the obligatory questionnaire.
In the past 6 months, have you experienced one or more of the following? (Check all that apply)
•Krovikan Plague •Traveling Plague •Spreading Plague •Endemic Plague •Virulent Plague •Exotic Disease •Pox •Smallpox •Contagion •Pestilence •Quag Sickness •Malignant Growth •Malicious Affliction •Grim Affliction •Fungal Infection •Spinal Parasite •Hex Parasite •Invader Parasite •Thrull Parasite •Flesh Allergy
•Narcolepsy •Sleep Paralysis •Restless Dreams •Recurring Nightmare •Night Terrors •Tunnel Vision •Double Vision •Eyetwitch •Eye Gouge •Deafening Silence •Suffocation •Asphyxiate •Dizzy Spell •Fevered Convulsions •Fevered Visions •Seizures •Splitting Headache •Nausea •Off Balance •Unstable Footing •Vertigo •Heat Stroke •Chill •Weakness •Feebleness •Enfeeblement •Fatigue •Crippling Fatigue •Exhaustion •Famine •Unnatural Hunger •Morbid Hunger •Insatiable Appetite •Appetite for Brains •Dehydration •Thirst
•Festering Wound •Necrotic Wound •Debilitating Injury •Stab Wound •Stabbing Pain •Crushing Pain •Flaring Pain •Scald •Splinter •Bone Splinters •Savage Beating •Fracture •Skull Fracture •Neck Snap
•Self-Inflicted Wound •Mental Agony •Traumatic Visions •Painful Memories •Guilty Conscience •Agonizing Remorse •Nagging Thoughts •Melancholy •Apathy •Lose Hope •Eternal Isolation •Unfulfilled Desires •Overwhelming Denial •Grief •Fear •Delirium •Frightful Delusion •Duress •Crippling Fear •Terror •Dread •Panic •Panic Attack •Triskaidekaphobia •Hypochondria •Compulsion •Lose Focus •Broken Concentration •Increasing Confusion •Hint of Insanity •Fractured Sanity •Fraying Sanity •Struggle for Sanity •Temporary Insanity •Paranoid Delusions •Fractured Identity •Identity Crisis •Amnesia •Uncontrollable Anger •Aggressive Urge •Destructive Urge •Violent Outburst •Psychotic Fury •Psychotic Episode •Surging Dementia
•Invasive Surgery •Surgical Extraction •Vivisection •Disembowel •Eviscerate •Lobotomy •Cranial Extraction •Cranial Plating •Spinal Graft •Parasitic Implant •Scar
•Shock •Mortal Wound •Fatal Blow •Sudden Death •Putrefaction •Decomposition
If you answered Yes to one or more of the preceding, it’s unlikely Geralf will find the motivation to see you. You’re likely an inferior specimen; perhaps you’d be better off seeking Samite Ministration from a self-righteous, holier-than-thou Field Surgeon with a Medicine Bag full of Fishliver Oil.
•Worldly Tutor is our fastest method of relocating a powerful creature to the head of the queue. Cast it soon after your first draw on the turn you intend to have Geralf “practice” medicine, or else cast it at the end of an opponent’s turn to make sure you draw Geralf if you haven’t yet already.
•Sylvan Tutor functions much the same as the previous card, and is another great way to (literally) stack the deck in our favor.
•Memory Lapse offers fantastic utility; counter an opponent’s flashed—in mega threat, only to send it right back to the top of their library. Best case scenario sees it ripe for abuse by Geralf, and at worst you’ve tempo-bludgeoned your opponent back a turn.
•Brainstorm lets Geralf jostle things around in his busy schedule to squeeze in that extra patient. If the stars align, this card could produce a 32/32 blue zombie token. Marit Lage, eat your heart out.
•Scroll Rack is a permanent, even more effective version of Brainstorm. Prudent manipulation can ensure a streamlined game that funnels us to victory.
•Time of Need functions much like paging the on-call doctor. Use it to guarantee you have Stitcher Geralf in hand, ready for when you need him. Also useful to tutor up Emrakul, the Promised End so that it can be relocated with Brainstorm/Scroll Rack.
With reports of malpractice lawsuits circulating through the halls of Rapture, and owing to his untimely passing, many former patients of Dr. Steinman have begun seeing Stitcher Geralf. With so many new referrals, Doctor Geralf has had to remind each patient, “Would you kindly give at least 24hrs. notice prior to any cancellations?”
•Impervious Greatwurm is evidently not so impervious after all. Checking in to the clinic gives Geralf access to that supremely powerful 16/16 body to conduct his experiments on. ”Now where did I leave that Bone Saw...?”
•Emrakul, the Promised End has Geralf salivating at the opportunity to do a postmortem on those spaghetti noodle arms and see how they work. At 13/13, our mad doctor will ensure nothing goes to waste.
•Ensure a bloated fatty is on top of your library using Brainstorm, Worldly Tutor, Sylvan Tutor or Scroll Rack. Use Memory Lapse if the opportunity arises to accomplish the same, only with one of the opponent’s large creatures.
•Activate Stitcher Geralf’s ability to have him churn out a ridiculously high Power/Toughness zombie creature token. Just remember, Stitcher Geralf has very specific text; only creatures put into the graveyard by means of Geralf’s activated ability may be exiled to sew together a zombie token. Creatures sent to your graveyard by other means are unsuitable candidates for experimentation.
Since this is meatball surgery, it’s tough to predict what we’ll encounter. We won’t need any graveyard hate, since that’s intrinsically relevant to our whole operation. Instead, we’ll focus on slotting in some evasion, removal and additional card draw.
•Remand loses out to the already included counterspells in the Mainboard, but it’s decent enough to hold in reserve in case extra oomph is necessary.
•Dream Cache for that delicious card advantage, along with some library manipulation to set up for Geralf.
•Druid's Deliverance is a fantastic way to stall in the early game, or to double our attack power if played after Geralf finishes his work.
•Fog sidesteps early efforts of our opponent to tip our life total past the point of no return.
”’... and the two will be one flesh,’ so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
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Casual
93% Competitive
Revision 2 See all
(3 years ago)
| -4 | Counterspell | main |
| +3 | Dream Cache | side |
| +4 | Druid's Deliverance | side |
| +3 | Emrakul, the Promised End | main |
| +4 | Fog | side |
| +4 | Memory Lapse | main |
| +4 | Remand | side |
| -3 | Worldspine Wurm | main |
| Top Ranked |
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| Date added | 3 years |
| Last updated | 3 years |
| Legality | This deck is Legacy legal. |
| Rarity (main - side) | 9 - 0 Mythic Rares 20 - 0 Rares 12 - 0 Uncommons 12 - 11 Commons |
| Cards | 60 |
| Avg. CMC | 3.15 |
| Tokens | Zombie */* U |
| Folders | Legacy, ideas and stuff, Test, Fun Deck To Try, Cool Stuff, Standard |
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