Mana is for chumps.
What is this Janky nonsense?
A Modern spiritual successor/tribute to the classic Manaless Ichorid legacy deck, as well as an excuse to run Salvage Titan.
Wait, what's a Salvage Titan?
I mean, you can read it up right there, but if you need a refresher, it's basically a Craw Wurm that happens to come with a handy "Cheat into play" clause, as well as a "Cheat back into your hand" clause if it dies. Plus, it's startlingly resilient. Four toughness negates the threat of Lightning Bolts, a CMC of 6 makes sure it'll never be Fatal Pushed, and dropping it on turn one lets you dodge a lot of counterspells and discards, especially if you're going on the play.
Yeah, that's nice and all, but how do you actually play a six-drop in a deck without mana?
Getting three artifacts onto the field without using mana at all is startlingly easy in modern. The trick is getting artifacts that do things other than just feed the Titan so they aren't completely dead draws if he's already out. Welding Jar is probably the best of these, allowing you to keep the Titan alive way longer than is even remotely reasonable. Memnite and Ornithopter are both champs at chump, and Frogmite and Tooth of Chiss-Goria, while not 100% reliable, can help finish out games. Mishra's Bauble helps if you haven't drawn your Titan yet or need to dig for some removal, and Tormod's Crypt deals with other cheeky graveyard decks trying to do their own high-value, high-tempo shenanigans.
So what about these non-artifact cards, then?
Insurance for when things inevitably go sideways. Two life lets you pitch Street Wraith to dig for other pieces. Sickening Shoal and Force of Despair both keep the board clear, as well as Soul Spike, which also happens to make for a great finisher. And Chancellor of the Dross cheeses out an early lead in some games while also being fantastic fuel for a Shoal. Last but not least, Slaughter Pact can clear a single tricky blocker to get in the final blow. Plus, if it gets counter you don't actually lose the game, so that's nice I guess...?
As for the sideboard, Darksteel Relic is there to up your artifact count for a more consistent Titan, while Postmortem Lunge can recycle an Ornithopter or Memnite for some final chip damage with a Tooth. Faerie Macabre acts as more reactive graveyard hate while also being decent fuel for Shoal, Force, and Spike.
All right, I get why all of these cards are here, but how does it actually play?
Every card has one of two roles in this deck: Fuel for your Titan, or fuel for your Removal. Ideally you want to mulligan until you have enough of each to function, but because cards are your ONLY resource you just kinda have to wing it sometimes because each mulligan is going to cost you gas in the long run. Once you get a hand that works, it largely plays itself. Fling down a Titan, use the rest of your cards to either punch through or finish your opponent off.
This sounds pretty good! So should I pick up this deck and take it to my local Modern games?
Absolutely not! What are you, high? Did you not look at this jank pile of nonsense? Have you not hit that "Playtest" button? Yeah, if everything goes well, this deck is explosive, but things never, ever, go well. Going second against certain decks is basically a death sentence, and if Salvage Titan ever gets removed you're basically up shit creek without a paddle. This is not a deck intended to win Modern tourneys. This is a deck that you show to friends to confuse the hell out of them.
Wait, so why am I even looking at this?
Your guess is as good as mine, friend. I literally just made this as a joke.
