Let's get real here: if your heartbeat is but you (a) don't love Infect and (b) don't have >$600 to blow on Goyfs, there is probably not a home for you in Modern.
Mutant Zoo is not the hero you deserve. But it is the one you have right now, so let's get down to business.
The Skinny
Mutant Zoo aims to leverage hyper-efficient threats and disruption for a Turn 4.5 kill. Everything in the deck is undercosted; in the entire 75, 14 spells demand more than 1 mana. Though it's soft to Big Zoo strategies (e.g. Bant Eldrazi), it weathers 1-for-1 removal (Path to Exile, Lightning Bolt, Terminate) better than most aggro decks, either by trading up on mana efficiency or by outright denying the removal by way of Pongify and Simic Charm.
The Offense
The threats break down into three types:
Growers (Cloudfin Raptor, Experiment One): Evolve creatures in the opening hand are the deck's best threats, though they are terrible topdecks. Opening hands should often be evaluated on how quickly and how reliably they can curve an Evolver up to 3 or 4 power. (In desperate situations, Cloudfin Raptor
+
Wooded Foothills
fetching up Dryad Arbor is, technically, reach.)
Mowers (Young Wolf, Strangleroot Geist): Mutant Zoo's signature move is Pongifying our own Wolf/Geist to produce a 2/2 Wolf, a 3/3 Ape, and a 3/3 or 3/4 evolver. (Stack note: when Pongify resolves, it triggers two abilities: Undying and Evolve. Place Undying on the stack second, so that it resolves first; this triggers Evolve again.)
Showers (
Hooting Mandrills
): A 4/4 trample for 1 is impressive in every case except the one that involves Tarmogoyf. Against decks with comparatively little removal, a Turn 2 Mandrills backed up with Spell Pierce and Vapor Snag will get you home, but it's a bad keep in the dark. (If you're desperate to pile on damage, Pongifying or Vapor Snagging the blocker lets all 4 of Hooty's power through.)
The Defense
Playing so many threats for so little cost gives us some wiggle room to disrupt the opponent in his setup or reactive phases.
Vapor Snag: Pure money. The ping effect is nontrivial, too; in this gameplan, every little bit counts.
Lightning Bolt: STILL the best spell in the format.
Spell Pierce: No longer run maindeck because of a downswing in noncreature combo decks, but still some of the cheapest, dirtiest interaction available if people are doing unfair things. Serves as healthy insurance against Lingering Souls, Anger of the Gods and Damnation, too.
Matchups/Sideboarding
Aggro
You can beat an average Affinity hand pre-board if you're on the play. Post-board, Hurkyl's Recall and Ancient Grudge in place of Vapor Snag and, potentially, one or two Mandrills makes the match very winnable.
Burn is 50/50. Given our speed, our odds of winning are hugely dependent on the die roll and what kind of hand we open on. Out-of-board, Feed the Clan and counterspells help buy enough time to punish them for pointing all their removal at our face, but it's still a tough matchup.
Ongoing Investigation
is tentative here.
Tempo
Merfolk is challenging; their bounce removal gums up +1/+1 counters and delve, and they don't even need
Spreading Seas
to make the fishes unblockable. Snag, Bolt, and Dismember can swing the match, but don't lean on them too hard; Mutant Zoo does a bad midrange impression.
Against Infect, prioritize getting one or two threats on board, then turtle up.
Midrange
Outracing BGx is extremely doable. Bring in Dismembers for their Goyfs, Tasigurs, Grim Flayers, and especially Scavenging Oozes. Don't over-respect Liliana (unless you're on the Lonely Mandrills plan, in which case respect her a lot) and learn to recognize when Dark Confidant will help you kill them.
Ongoing Investigation
is tentative here, too.
Bant Eldrazi is incredibly difficult to race in game 1, and the Dismembers in game 2 only make it a little less embarrassing.
Control
GR Tron is beatable pre-board and a walk post-board. We can go under them without too much trouble and our disruption neatly stops their best threats (Karn, Liberated, Ugin, the Spirit Dragon, and Wurmcoil Engine).
Combo
RIP Splinter Twin.
Ad Nauseam, Grishoalbrand, and other assorted combo decks have a tough time fighting fast pressure backed up by cheap disruption. Even so, respect their ability to go off through mana-taxing counterspells.
Further Notes
The strategy mimics that of old-school Stompy: play efficient bodies and use the leftover mana to deny the other guy's resources. Modern doesn't have Tangle Wire, so we're left with things like Vapor Snag instead.
A resolved Blood Moon locks you out for the rest of the game, but it's possible to fight through it; you'll usually have a nontrivial board presence by the second turn. Note that
Unravel the Aether
is preferred to Destructive Revelry in this build; the red splash is too light to support Bolt, Revelry, and Grudge at once.
Few things are a bigger blowout than Pongifying a creature and watching it get BOLTed, Dismembered, or Pathed in response. Don't get jumpy. Play it when they're tapped out (Slaughter Pact is tempo-neutral) or in response to their removal, and not otherwise.
Rest in Peace
,
Leyline of the Void
, and
Grafdigger's Cage
are more annoying than Blood Moon. If Dredge is popular, lean harder on the evolve plan (possibly with Greenbelt Rampager) to avoid sideboard splash damage.
Greenbelt Rampager is undergoing testing; having multiple ETBs from a 3/4 is extremely strong, particularly since Pongify can respond to the bounce trigger. The main problem is space; consider cutting 1-2 Simic Charms or 1-2
Hooting Mandrills
. Note that this increases the bad-topdeck problem, though.
