Man, I love Magic.
So many horrible, stupid, completely worthless cards. It's fantastic, isn't it?
This is probably the most Johnny-ish type of Pillow Fort deck ever known to man, and the win-con?
Near-Death Experience
That's right, the most lottery-based card ever known to MTG. With it out, it's like you're saying "You better overkill me, or I may win by doing nothing", and then they kill you, because this card sucks. But that's because this card shouldn't be played like that. Instead, we're going to use...
Immolating Souleater
!!!
Commence epic evil laugh, followed by random fly deciding to take shelter from the coming storm inside your mouth hole.
SO. Now we have a guy that can completely drain our life down to nothing! All we need now are a bunch of cards that keep your opponent doing absolutely nothing whatsoever! HAHA!
Keep your Souleater alive (as well as yourself) with things such as Ghostly Prison and you can win this game by turn 5! Except I wouldn't do that if I were you, I would keep your mana open a bit to not tap yourself out and then DIE DUE TO ULTIMATE INSANE TRAMPLE CREATURES.
KEY TIP: You MUST activate
Immolating Souleater
's ability BEFORE your opponent finishes their end turn step. Then, you go into your upkeep and win immediately!
BUT RUNLUE, WAIT! The Souleater's ability takes away TWO life, not just one! You wouldn't be able to make it to 1 life in one move!
WELL SLAP MY GRANDMA AND CALL ME A WALKING FISH, YOU'RE RIGHT! In order to address this small inconvenience you can...
Gut Shot
yourself!
Didn't think you'd ever use a burn spell on yourself, did ya? Well, here ya go. :D
Wrath of God is in there as a fail-safe in case your opponent doesn't give a single ball sack about your pillow fort. And then you throw a ball sack in their face, and they scream "EWEWEWEW" and then you win. GREATEST PLAN EVER.
The sideboard is COMPLETELY focused on control. From testing on Untap, that is the worst matchup, and, ultimately, the ONLY bad matchup. As long as you resolve an NDE, and your opponent doesn't have any enchantment hate, boardwipes, etc., and you have Angel's Grace in hand, you're pretty much guaranteed to win!
WELP, that's it for my awesome Johnny deck of the week! I never thought I would be doing this every week, but boy is it fun! Next week, I will probably come out of nowhere with a random stupid rare win-con thing again, but I'm planning on doing a B/U standard exploit deck instead (SO MANY SYNERGIES HNNNNNNGH), so expect that to come!
Thanks for reading guys! Give this bad boy a +1 if you enjoy it!... Or you can +1 this deck solely because of the description, I'm cool with that as well.
