Sit back, relax, and laugh maniacally from behind your retirement fund (Sphere of Safety) while your opponent spends their mana paying for YOUR ease of living!
Nyx-Fleece Ram- Fantastic employee. Playing him on turn 2 slows down aggro tremendously, and from that point on this fluffy investment will help you gain life! Take that Lightning Strike!
Eidolon of Rhetoric- A back-breaking worker. This card stops aggro dead-to-rights, and forces decks like MBD to waste removal! Otherwise, he partners nicely with our Nyx-Fleece Ram to block the lil' guys until the removal starts kicking into gear. They've accomplished every project by their deadline!
Heliod, God of the Sun- Look, I know his profit share doesn't seem very powerful, but consider this. With all the lockdown enchantments, he doesn't need a single other creature to remain active on the battlefield...I mean the market. Ahem. That means Supreme Verdict can kindly cash in its shares and suck it.
AEtherling- When all else fails, you bring in the Wolf of Wall Street. His previous employer gave him a glowing recommendation... something along the lines of "yeah, they always just concede."
Chained to the Rocks
- Having this in your hand early is fantastic, it locks out your competition for those trust funds! And it makes Nyx-Fleece Ram even better, since he can worry about blocking other early threats.
Pacifism- Ethical? Who said this was an ethical retirement plan. Call the bastard's supervisor and lock him out of this great opportunity!
Banishing Light- I don't want to know what you did to the HR Director to get them to agree to terminate Thassa, God of the Sea, but I'm glad you did it.
Detention Sphere- You forgot to say "away" again. But yeah, you must have really "blown away" the entire department to get them to fire THAT many enemies...
Jace, Architect of Thought- You know what frustrates an opponent even more than having their entire company locked down? Forcing their peon brains to make tough decisions at the same time. Look kid, all I'm saying is you'll be slowing them down and drawing cards.
Assemble the Legion- Brings out more workers quickly than a government-sponsored foodline in the '30's!
Sphere of Safety- Yes, your 401k portfolio. Sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself as your opponent has to pay big bucks just to try and hold a meeting with you. Especially with Oppressive Rays out. This is your fort kick-ass. Your tax-deductible man cave. Your new life. I hope you're happy here, because your opponent is calling the Better Business Bureau trying to report you for: "It's not even slowplay? Nothing? You can't help me out judge?"
Counterflux- Those scallawags over at ESPER INC think they can CONTROL the market? Think again.
Pithing Needle- That's right, your friend in the City Dept. gave you these permits to shut down production over at BANT Enterprises. Someone also told me you can use these to kill some kind of rat infestation...
Celestial Flare- Where'd you get a gun? As long as this won't affect your performance, I don't care what you do with it. What do you mean Stormbreath Dragon is jumping ship over to that Red crapstack? Tell ya what... just go... outside and talk to him for a bit...
Aegis of the Gods- If the jack-off's at RDW Enterprises are pulling the fire alarm again, just throw this in their face. Plebeians.
Spirit of the Labyrinth- We here at Standard Stax LLC are an equal opportunity employer, and even though she's, well, pretty ghostly... she really knows how to slow down those Control types... She and Eidolon of Rhetoric make a great team!
Blind Obedience- That subtle off-white coloring, braised lettering... The business card to stifle those loud-mouthed Red types. Lifegain against them? Check. Slowing down their Haste creatures so we can exile before they ever touch us? Check.
Boros Charm- TEAMBUILDING EXERCISE '99! Remember the trust exercise? This is just the stuff we need to really keep the team together. In one piece. I'm saying that it makes them not die. You're not getting this? Supreme Verdict, hello? Are you listening?
Elspeth, Sun's Champion- Don Draper herself folks. When she takes a job, it doesn't matter if her sister is working on the other side of ESPER Incorporated (you'll just get rid of her anyway with Detention Sphere or Banishing Light), she just gets the job done!
I'M NOT SORRY FOR THE BUSINESS PUNS!!!!