Minutes of the Subterfuge Incorporated Meeting
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: I'm so glad you could make it today. Now we're all busy people, Zombies, and Horrors, so I'll get right to business. I plan to loot as many trade secrets and blueprints from opponents' outgo boxes as possible. Any questions so far?
Sphinx Ambassador: What has four legs in the morning--
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: Questions that relate to what I said, please.
Sakashima's Student: I get that you can steal things that our competitors have used, but what are you going to do if they haven't made any serious advances?
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: An excellent question. Our Mesmeric Orb is vital for that, but I've also hired an Extractor Demon to get at those who seem to have a competitive advantage. This becomes even easier with Nephalia Drownyard. And there's also Mindcrank, of course.
Duskmantle Guildmage: I thought Mindcrank was for my department!
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: No one likes it when you hog the tech. It's boring for the rest of us. Now get us some coffee so we can plot more.
Dimir Doppelganger: I know that you'll try to infiltrate our enemies to steal their secrets, but what's to stop something terrible from happening to you? We'd have to replace you with a new CEO to make sure your life does not go unlived.
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: I'm touched you'd consider my welfare, but with Lightning Greaves or a Whispersilk Cloak, I doubt anyone can stop me infiltrating all our rival companies.
Cemetery Puca: But what about all the staff that other companies fire? We can't let them just go to waste.
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: Of course they won't. We have Beacon of Unrest, Animate Dead, and Puppeteer Clique to hire them to our side, and any that remain undisturbed in their unemployment will fuel our Spoils of Evil. We can even force "adverse economic situations" on them with Necromantic Selection, allowing us to have the cream of the crop.
Keiga, the Tide Star: Are you quite finished talking about distasteful things like unemployment so I can introduce my project? Good. I'm Keiga, the COO of Subterfuge, Inc. My plan is simple, but elegant: why wait for other companies to be done with things before stealing them? I myself take an employee when I die, and I have plenty of backup, including Sower of Temptation, who details our new health benefits quite nicely.
Necrotic Ooze: But I like talking about unemployment!
Keiga, the Tide Star: See what I mean? Very distasteful. In any case, we don't even need to wait for tech to become viable to snatch it; Desertion and Spelljack are quite nice when used on EldraziCorp, and Acquire and Bribery can borrow things without even waiting for our opponents to put them into action.
Phantasmal Image: And don't forget copying plans!
Keiga, the Tide Star: Of course not. While I prefer Blatant Thievery--
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: Thank you, Keiga. Let's not forget who's the CEO here. While I prefer dredging things from the depths of our enemies' trash bins, advances in cloning technology have made the strategy quite affordable, as Cryptoplasm, our Chief of Cloning, can attest. Working under him, we have Evil Twin, Phyrexian Metamorph, and Clever Impersonator to duplicate our rivals' advances.
Kira, Great Glass-Spinner: All that is well and good, but how are we supposed to compete against blisteringly fast upstart companies like Goblins&Burn and Elves United?
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: To answer that question, I'll have to refer you to our Superintendent of Ramp, Bog Witch.
Bog Witch: I'd like to start by announcing that the plan to quicken our business operations will result in the liquidation of some employees, which I have volunteered to carry out personally. We are also preparing a line of rituals to boost demand, notably Dark Ritual and Cabal Ritual. These will complement the standard tech already in place, such as Sol Ring, and it's worth noting our Cabal Coffers are still running a surplus. If you need more information, please contact my secretary, Crypt Ghast, after the meeting.
Blood Artist: I know I'm only head of advertising, and this isn't really any of my business, but where's our actual value? Are we just siphoning products from our competitors? Not that I have any issue with that, of course.
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: Of course not. I'll let Baleful Strix explain all about our value situation.
Baleful Strix: I can sum it up in two words: Research and Development. Through Brainstorming, Pondering, and doing underhanded tricks like Borrowing 100,000 Arrows, we are ready to invest in several different ways. Our Rhystic Study subgroup is performing exceptionally well.
Keiga, the Tide Star: I'd just like to add that Subterfuge, Inc. is taking steps to insure these gains. For instance, Pact of Negation, which for 0% down will protect us from just about anything our competitors attempt. If they attempt to flood the market, we can Inundate them right back. Our company nurse, Kira, Great Glass-Spinner, covers each employee's first incident gratis. And thanks to Blood Artist, our Propaganda is making it tough for others to compete with us. It goes without saying that anyone who does attempt to compete with us will be shown No Mercy. In short, now is a good time to work for Subterfuge Incorporated.
Wrexial, the Risen Deep: I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. Finally, I'd like to announce the addition of a new top-of-the-line product, Rise of the Dark Realms. It's more expensive than I'd like it to be in today's economy, but I'm confident that it will make a big difference to our bottom line. Thank you all for your patience. Meeting adjourned.
