This deck is all about everyone's favorite temptress... Gwenny C. And I don't mean Gwenny Cooper from the Wonder Years, you idiot!
My fourth ex-wife was a real homewrecker, but even I don't think she can hold a candle to Gwendlyn Di Corci of the Legends set.
Gwenny is a lot like a succubus. She uses sex appeal to lure men to their dooms. But unlike a succubus, she lives in a swamp, shaves the side of her head, and has feet that make up almost a fifth of her body mass. Hubba hubba!
You might argue that I could have gone with Nicol Bolas or really almost any Grixis legendary, but the thing I like about Gwenny is she's cheap. She is a very cheap lady, and you get to tap her a lot. I don't mean to sound crude, but in an avergae EDH game, you can easily tap Gwenny twice as many times as I tapped my third ex-wife over the course of our entire eight month marriage. Zero times two is still zero.
A lot of women complain that I am just a boring individual, but somehow, I don't think Gwenny cares. After a full day working my job at the shoelace factory, it's nice to know I can come home to my EDH deck, and there's Gwenny, ready and waiting for me to tap her (so that opponents can discard, of course). She doesn't start saying all this crap about "child support" or "leaving you because you're a complete loser". She just lies there, generally on top of the other 99 cards in my deck.
Gwenny's levels of promiscuity hit some pretty absurd heights. There is almost nothing that can't be discarded if you're just willing to tap her. Just last week, she seduced
Veldrane of Sengir
right out of my foe's hand. It could be argued that being seduced and promptly killed might be the greatest thing to ever happen to poor Veldrane. His luck is finally starting to turn around... maybe.
Hey, whoa! I think Akroma, Angel of Wrath needs to be on guard, because being a girl doesn't protect you from the wily charms of this temptress. I speak from experience when I say that girls can quite possibly be led away from the loved ones by the beckons of other women. Just ask my fifth ex-wife.
Gwenny can seduce just about anything!
Gorilla Titan
may be part of the animal kingdom, but let's just say bananas won't be his food of choice once Gwenny shows up. If I'm playing against you, I tap her, and I get you to discard a
Little Girl
then I am going to call the cops on you. Seriously, dude. That's not cool.
Intangible and metaphysical ideas can be seduced, too. I don't know how you lure Unsummon or Act of Treason to your bedroom, but when you've got it going on as much as Gwenny does (see: sarcasm), even abstract ideas want you. Awesome.
Jace Beleren is the only card I've never managed to make her discard. It's sort of weird, but I'm pretty sure it's just a coincidence.
You can equip Gwenny with Illusionist's Bracers and be the first Magic player in history to get with two people at once. She must have gotten tired of those
Handcuffs
or something, and wanted to mix it up.
One time, in Iraq, Gwenny got hired to perform a USO show for our troops, but they found out she was red, black, and blue; not red, white, and blue. Well, that certainly isn't the colors of the American flag, so to ensure they got properly offended, our troops tried to use computer Internet technology to look up what nation did have those colors. They used an amazing website search engine called Google, and do you know something? They didn't find any! Why do no nations have those colors on their flag? Well, I guess it must be the colors on Urborg's flag.
Gwenny gets a little overwhelmed sometimes if an opponent has too many cards in hand, but this deck has a lot of cut-and-dry discard options to help her out.
But of course, she wouldn't be a true homewrecker until she took everything you own. Nothing is safe from this deck's reaches. Take some cards from exile with Nightveil Specter or just use
Redirect
and Imp's Mischief to steal a spell while it's still on the stack. Barring that not working, Reverberate works nigh-on as well. Gwenny steals stuff more easily than that European massage therapist stole my second ex-wife. Leapin' lizards! My favorite option for theft is
Soul Ransom
because it forces even more discards upon your foes.
Extra turns and obvious combos are totally lame in Commander, as I recently learned from an article by KrazyCaley and miinor_threat but there was one I just couldn't resist because it seemed too fun. This was
Final Fortune
in conjunction with either Stifle or Sundial of the Infinite. Hate me if you want.
How does the deck win? Uuuuuuh....
Well, anyways, that's all I have to say. Bye.
