Do you want to absolutely destroy your opponents? Is someone running a deck you absolutely hate? Then this deck is for you! The magic of this deck uses an insanely long and convoluted combo to literally CHANGE THE DECK THEY PLAY. Force them to shuffle their entire collection into their deck? Make them play their wimpy "Goat Token Beatdown" deck? YOU DECIDE!!!
This deck is based on my The Ultimate Budget Way to Troll EVERYONE. Check it out to see the original!
The aim for this deck was to perform a similar function as the Budget Esper variant with a few differences:
No Blue
Blue makes it too easy to control decks and fields when provided with infinite utility.
Limited Toolkit
The Ultimate Budget Way to Troll EVERYONE could literally do anything, recur anything etc. The Abzan Way is the way of endurance. And so we must endure our opponent's grit and mettle before we overwhelm.
Different Combos
No copying the predecessor's combos. The only key combo piece that is in both decks is Priest of Gix.
Multiple Ways to Begin
Abzan has a tremendous number of recursion methods. This deck has multiple ways to recur and find the combo pieces, and ramp enough lands to do a normal brute force spam technique.
Looks Innocent
If you hand The Ultimate Budget Way to Troll EVERYONE to someone, even without knowing the exact combo they will notice something is fishy about the deck. However, at a first glance, The Ultimate Abzan Way to Troll EVERYONE looks like your typical Abzan value EDH engine. Sure there are some strange card choices, but there are no giant red flags like Mana Severance. An opponent who looks through this deck will assume it's an Abzan +1/+1 face smashing deck built by a beginner with many old cards.
How wrong they are.
Now... LET US BEGIN!!!
Basic combo set up: Cauldron Haze in hand. Melira, Sylvok Outcast/Phalanx Leader/Cathars' Crusade/Vizier of Remedies, Eternal Witness/Greenwarden of Murasa, Priest of Gix, Altar of Dementia on field.
Note: using Phalanx Leader requires a method to buff the toughness of Priest of Gix and Eternal Witness or the combo will fizzle. Ravos, Soultender is here for you.
Cast Cauldron Haze targeting all your creatures. Sacrifice all creatures except Melira, Sylvok Outcast/Phalanx Leader/Vizier of Remedies to your Altar of Dementia milling yourself. The creatures immediately revive, with Eternal Witness/Greenwarden of Murasa recurring Cauldron Haze and Priest of Gix paying for your next cast. This combo is infinite because of Melira, Sylvok Outcast/Phalanx Leader/Vizier of Remedies/Cathars' Crusade. Repeat until your entire library is in the graveyard.
Priest of Gix isn't necessary if you have a basic Swamp and either Earthcraft or Academy Rector for Earthcraft.
Cast Dread Return or Unburial Rites to recur Riftsweeper which places your flashback spell in your library, which you mill with Altar of Dementia and use to again recur Sun Titan, which recurs Quirion Sentinel, so now you have infinite rainbow mana and exiled card recursion.
At this point you can recur any creature (using your flashback creature revival spells) and any permanent with CMC 3 or less. Your board consists of: -1/-1 counter removal, Cauldron Haze recursion, infinite sac outlet, payment for Cauldron Haze (Priest of Gix), infinite rainbow mana source, exiled card recursion, and Sun Titan.
Here are your currently available loops:
1 Cauldron Haze everything. Sacrifice and recur Eternal Witness/Greenwarden of Murasa, Priest of Gix and any other creatures with Altar of Dementia targeting self. Recur Cauldron Haze and use other creature effects.
2 Flashback Unburial Rites/Dread Return to revive any creature. Using 1 but with Riftsweeper as another sacrifice Use Riftsweeper to place the flashbacker on top of your deck, and mill it with Altar of Dementia later.
3 Use combo 1 but with Sun Titan as an additional sacrifice.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Do NOT at any point recur a second global recursion engine (you should only have either Eternal Witness or Greenwarden of Murasa NEVER both). The point of this deck is that your recursion choices are limited. If you can't handle the temptation, take one of these guys out. The only reason I run both is for consistency.
It's time to recur some instants and sorceries.
Recur Harvester of Souls. Using combo 3, Bojuka Bog yourself (you can use Bound by Moonsilver to sacc Bog if it is already on the battlefield). Now, sacrifice your creatures as appropriate and trigger Harvester of Souls exactly once. YOUR DECK IS EMPTY, BE CAREFUL!!!! Stack your triggers so that Persist resolves before before you draw. The moment Riftsweeper hits the battlefield, it places its trigger on the stack. Now Harvester of Souls resolves and draws the card your Riftsweepered.
Use combo 1 and Riftsweeper to move everything other than instants or sorceries back to your graveyard.
Note: The above combo grants global recursion. I hope you don't abuse this and make sure it only recurs instants and sorceries.
Recur and use combo 1 a couple times on Archon of Justice to exile everyone else's permanents. Next recur and cast Worst Fears for every opponent. Use combo 3 to grab Avarice Totem and Black Cat. Mill every opponent with Altar of Dementia and nuke their hands with Black Cat. Then use Bojuka Bog to exile their decks (if you already played it, sacrifice it to Bound by Moonsilver and recur it with 3).
This is possibly to most annoyingly complex part of the deck. You will be using Avarice Totem to grant your opponent permanents. You cannot kill an opponent's Avarice Totem (Archon of Justice exiles, and the combo for retrieving such an exiled card is only legal for instants and sorceries)
With combo 3, recur Forbidden Orchard, Rainbow Vale, Squirrel Nest attached to a basic land, Avarice Totem, and Earthcraft. Tap Forbidden Orchard and Rainbow Vale. Your first controlled opponent will control Rainbow Vale and a Forbidden Orchard token on their turn. Make infinite Squirrels. This will come in handy later.
Allow your first controlled opponent to have their turn. During their upkeep, get infinite mana.
Exchange Avarice Totem with the token.
Use Spectral Searchlight to give them 1 mana.
Use Bound by Moonsilver to sacrifice your Spectral Searchlight. Recur your Searchlight with combo 3 and use this loop to grant them infinite rainbow mana.
Force them to exchange Avarice Totem with your basic land that has Squirrel Nest attached. Exchange their Rainbow Vale with your Avarice Totem. Force them to swap Avarice Totem with your Earthcraft. Now force them to create infinite squirrels.
Swap Avarice Totem for a squirrel, use combo 3 to recur Mirrorpool, and force them to swap Avarice Totem for Mirrorpool.
Astute readers will immediately notice that this deck lacks literally any card that allows one to grant Death Wish to an opponent on their turn. Don't worry. This is under control.
Reanimate Gonti, Lord of Luxury and use it on an opponent with an empty library. Use Avarice Totem to give them Gonti. Now use combo 2 to place Death Wish in your library.
Now force your opponent to use Mirrorpool's first effect, copying Gonti, Lord of Luxury and getting your Mirrorpool back (with combo 3). Using Gonti's effect, force them to exile Death Wish. Give them the mana to cast it, then make them cast it, adding a card to their hand. Because this is not a sanctioned Magic event (which would limit Death Wish to the sideboard) you can grab any card from their collection.
Force the opponent to Mirrorpool Gonti, Lord of Luxury 99 times, with you recurring Death Wish into your deck each time, granting them a new commander deck (hand?). Or as many times as you please. You can swap their Squirrels for Mirrorpool and use that to force them to copy Gonti, Lord of Luxury, all targets you control thanks to your Worst Fears. At any point you or said opponent is low, recur and cast Congregate.
Now, use combo 3 to recur Island Sanctuary. Use the above combo again, but instead grant Island Sanctuary instead of Mirrorpool. Enter their draw step. Force them to save themself by skipping their draw. Recur Credit Voucher and give it to them. Grant them the necessary mana to use the voucher, then at instant speed ... force them to skip every single draw using their mighty Island Sanctuary.
Before you finish with them, use the Avarice token with your infinite squirrels to get your belongings back. Also spam combo 1 with Archon of Justice to clear off the Squirrel garbage from your opponent's board.
Do this for every opponent (use Bound by Moonsilver to sacrifice your tapped lands and recur with combo 3)
Now it is your turn. Retrieve Island Sanctuary and use it to protect yourself from your opponent's scary creatures. Blow up your Squirrels with the Archon combo.
Your opponents have sculpted a 99 card commander deck under your guidance. Now Worst Fears everyone and pass the board around 7 times. Now everyone has a 7 card hand.
Let the new game begin!
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