In which things get real oozey, real fast.
The goal of this deck is to win with slimes: we want to get so many copies of Slime Against Humanity(occasionally referred to in this list as "slime crimes") into our graveyard and exile that we are making multiple high-stat trampling slimes every turn, and then we want to send those oozey friends to punch our opponents in the face. The rest of the deck is built around squeezing as much value out of each individual ooze as is possible while we work up to that point.
COUNTERS:
And who is the metaphorical juicer for our metaphorical slime-based lemonade stand? Mostly, it's our commander Reyhan, Last of the Abzan *f-etch*. We don't need her to be on the board for this deck to pop off, but she makes it a bunch easier. Early game, oozes we sacrifice to cards such as Village Rites get to live on as counters on other creatures. Good early game targets include value-creatures, such as Kami of Whispered Hopes, as well as the other mana producers that scale with counters.
Later in the game, we'll probably want to put dead ooze counters onto finisher creatures such as our other commander, Tana, the Bloodsower *f-etch*. This list doesn't include much support for saprolings as a main strategy, but Tana gives us the chance to go wide if going tall isn't cutting it.
One of the best parts of using Reyhan on top of slimes that use entirely +1/+1 counters for their stats is that counter doublers go WILD. Using Corpsejack Menace as an example, each ooze we create will enter the battlefield with double counters. Then, when they die and "donate" their counters to another creature, THOSE counters get doubled. Even a baseline slime crime will give us a 4/4 slime, which will provide EIGHT whole +1/+1 counters when it dies.
MORE VALUE:
Besides getting value out of our slimes when they die, this deck aims to get value out of them before they even enter the battlefield. Cards such as Pyromancer Ascension and Spellweaver Helix let us get more slime for each crime.
RAMP:
A bit of our ramp includes those creatures that scale mana production with power, as I've already mentioned, but a lot of it includes general cost reduction as well. These cards, such as Goblin Anarchomancer and Emerald Medallion, will help us cast as many slime crimes for as cheap as possible.
DRAW:
Card draw in this deck generally is attached to sacrifice effects, one of which is the previously mentioned Village Rites. This allows us to select cheaper card draw, but also lets us get value out of Reyhan whenever we draw cards.
Later in the game, Greater Good Lets us draw a lot of cards, and also gives us the option of dumping crimes into the graveyard if we have more in our hand than we could ever hope to cast. Usually it's better to keep crimes in your hand to cast and let them go to the graveyard after you've gotten a slime out of them, but my attitude is that when you're about to win or about to die, it's better to get value out of extra crimes than letting them go unused in your hand.
TUTORS:
The astute among you may have noticed that this deck doesn't have any. It's entirely personal preference: I like seeing what cards my deck gives me in any given game, and then doing my best with them. This deck would certainly be better if it ran some, but it's just not my thing.
In some sense, you could consider Surgical Extraction to be an exception to this. However, since extraction doesn't give me any slime crimes to play, only increasing the power of future slime crimes, I'm including it. Also, I really like the art.
HOW MANY SLIMES ARE WE TALKING, HERE??:
The first card a lot of people will compare Slime Against Humanity to is Relentless Rats, which run around 32 rats based on the lists I've seen. There are a couple differences here that I think let us run significantly less of our "multiple copy" card than a rats deck would run.
Firstly, each crime we cast will ALWAYS benefit from every other slime, since the slimes they make scale with crimes in both the graveyard and exile. Relentless Rats, in comparison, NEEDS to have other rats in play alongside it in order to scale.
Secondly, this deck doesn't run Thrumming Stone. Would it be better if it ran thrumming stone and significantly more slime crimes? I don't know, but I DO know that I would almost certainly find it less fun to play. I've played against relentless rat decks with thrumming stone, and it's cool, but after one or two games I'm kind of over it. Maybe I would find it more fun piloting a thrumming stone deck for myself, but I doubt it, and in any case I don't think this deck needs it.
CONCLUSION:
This deck is pretty rough: I haven't even played any games with it yet! Pretty much everything you just read might be horseshit! (Sorry you had to find out this way). If you have any suggested changes or your own Slime Against Humanity lists to share, I'd love to see them!
Lastly, this is the first deck I've written up a whole description for, so if you've gotten this far and think the experience could have been a lot more painless, I would appreciate pointers on writing up deck descriptions!
