Hi again! It is I, Doorknob! After my one year hiatus from this website, I am back with more free time on my hands! That means I can start delivering pain to the world again in the form of my s**tty Magic: The Gathering decks! And what better deck to start off with than the classic Mono Blue Tempo deck, Mono U for short. I've been feeling very blue and frustrated lately in my personal life, so why don't I share some of those feelings with my unfortunate, unsuspecting opponents at my LGS, using this deck a method of communicating those feelings?
Today, Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, U! Wii Control U!!!
Let me explain the basic strategy behind this deck, if you are not familiar with Tempo.
On your turn one, you should NEVER, EVER cast a spell. You need to hold up that one, piddly blue mana to cast that one, piddly blue one mana Stern Scolding or Spell Pierce.
Alright. Your opponent just cast their monkey. I hate Ragavan. I'm almost certain you hate Ragavan, too. Well, I feel like we should give our opponent a clue as to how that card makes us feel and give them a Stern Scolding. How our deck makes them feel doesn't matter at all. After all, we are a blue player so we must think like a blue player and have no self-respect for ourselves or our opponents.
Next, we untap. Our opponent is praying, PRAYING that we tap out for something. Sorry, not sorry, buddy, but as a blue player, the vastly outspoken rule of our kind is to NEVER, EVER cast spells on our own turn. In fact, my turn might as well not exist. Unless we start having a little Curiosity about the cards in our own deck.
And then we pass. Now we are in business. Now we have two available mana for either a Mana Leak or, since Wizards of The Coast was so gracious as to unban our Lord and Savior, Counterspell, we have them too.
And now, we fast forward time.
The game has not ended on turn four in Modern at the tournament at my LGS. By now, my army of faerie's Curiosity about the cards in my deck has turned into a Curious Obsession. It is a growing issue within the ranks, for our opponent, at least. I never seem to run out of counterspells! Their Ragavan, oops, counterspell. Murktide Regent? Ha-ha-ha, more like Murktide REJECT! Lightning Bolt? NEGATE! Did something slip past my first few counterspells? Well, I'm PETTY, so I'm going to commit THEFT and return that permanent to your hand!
Uh-oh! Is my opponent's HOPE FADING? Do I spy, out of my little, happy, gleaming eyes that my opponent is scooping their cards? Could it be that I made my opponent feel, if only a fraction, of the emotional pain I experience on a day-to-day basis, with a pile of overpriced cardboard? Did I do it?
YES! I DID IT! I WON THE ROUND! I DON'T CARE THAT I WENT 1-5 FOR THE REST OF THE TOURNAMENT! ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT MY OPPONENT KNOWS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS AND THAT THEY SHOULD EITHER QUIT PLAYING MAGIC ALTOGETHER OR CONTINUE PARTICIPATING EVERY TUESDAY SO THAT I CAN CONTINUE FEEDING OFF THEIR EMOTIONAL PAIN AND SUFFERING TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER!
Anyways, if you couldn't obviously tell, the above little story is a joke. Well, the part about me beating Izzet Murktide, at least. I cannot confirm or deny if the rest is true or not. The deck name is based off a play on words. The Wii is my favorite game console, as it was my first game console I ever got as a kid. Control is the deck archetype, and U is the color of the deck. We Control You vs. Wii Control U. Get it? Alright.
And finally, here is the decklist, if you want to dish out more pain and suffering, on my behalf.
GO FORTH, MY MINIONS!
AND SPREAD THE PAIN AND MISERY OF MONO BLUE!
BECAUSE WII. CONTROL. U!
