THAT Player
General forum
Posted on Nov. 3, 2017, 11:53 a.m. by Argy
In this topic we describe various types of Magic Players that we have encountered.
NOT specific people, but more a TYPE of Magic player that we have met more than once.
The Weirdo
The player thats just a little too deep into the what i like to call "dork-forest"...you see this player and go "Yup...this is the player that gives us a bad name/stereotype."
November 3, 2017 1:02 p.m.
Raging_Squiggle says... #4
The Allower
Someone who, even when not playing , after every single action you take says resolves or Ill allow it. Like seriously? Dont say it unless you intend to respond to it.
November 3, 2017 2:45 p.m.
MagicalHacker says... #5
The "But I Am Casual" Player
This player will sit down and ask to play some casual commander games, but then only has cEDH decks. Some common quotes from this player:
- "This deck is so slow, it takes 7 turns to win!"
- "It's so easy to get out of a Leovold lock."
- "You can't blame me for not running enough removal!"
The Deluge-ional
This player builds deck with such a strict fear of being mana screwed or color screwed that they play about 10% too many lands. This always leads them being mana flooded, and most of the time blaming the mana flood for their loss.
- "If I didn't draw so many lands, I would have easily won."
- "Must be nice to be able to play spells."
- "This deck hates me."
The Dead Sea Player
This player gets salty with players trying to stop them, players playing cards that they have to answer, players winning, players buying cards they can't afford, players proxying cards, players flicking cards too much, players trying to explain rules interactions, players playing infinite combos, players playing counterspells, players playing board wipes, players playing tokens, etc. (I don't feel like finishing the remaining 75% of triggers for these players.) Some common quotes:
- "Oh, you're one of THOSE players."
- "That deck is dumb, and Acidic Slime should be banned."
- "Get a real deck, dammit!"
The Ceaseless Hungers
These players are constantly eating. I know what you are thinking, but let me rephrase my statement: These players are eating while playing their turn out. Some common quotes:
- talking with mouth full
- "No my Rhystic Study is under my bag of Cheetos."
- "Hold on one sec, I'm gonna go buy another Honey Bun."
The Spiteful
My personally least favorite type of player, this player will concede well before the game actually reaches an end for the purposes of protecting their self-esteem and for robbing opponents of the satisfaction of being directly responsible for winning. Some common quotes:
- "It doesn't matter if I'm at 45 life, you have 20 cards in hand."
- "Stranglehold? F%$# that." scoops
- "Before you deal combat damage with Dragon Mage, I'm scooping so you don't get the trigger."
November 3, 2017 2:50 p.m.
The Stoner
Shows up high af and misses a lot of triggers.
Shop Owner's Kid
Clearly has unlimited resources. Always plays tier one decks. Brags that they own the shop.
The Prodigy
Very methodical; announces all phases, activations, and triggers. Thinks they know more than you and will do anything they can to prove it.
The Final Boss
Always makes top 3. Usually the last person you have to face to also make top 3. Has the perfect mix of skill, luck, and financial backing to crush their opponents.
November 3, 2017 2:55 p.m.
IMO, The Obfuscator is the worst. Especially the one that "Plays very fast, and doesn't clearly explain what cards are being triggered and then get TOTALLY bent out of shape when you take advantage of the missed trigger."
A few others I've encountered:
The Enforcer
Not a Judge, but played once at Competitive REL and is now on a mission to make every LGS tournament feel like it's being held at Professional REL. Honestly believes nobody in the store is capable of maintaining board state except for him- or herself.
The Helper
The Hater
Believes their deck is the ONLY fair deck in the history of Magic. Maybe they're on some busted Combo deck, but they're going to full-on tilt when they lose to an Aggro deck. Or Ramp. Or Control. Or Land Destruction. Or an alternate wincon like Mill or Infect. Or really anything in the entire world of busted decks that isn't their busted deck.
November 3, 2017 3:22 p.m.
realBorborygmos says... #8
DON'T FORGET ...
THE LOSER
ANYONE NOT PLAYING OR , HAR HAR!
November 3, 2017 3:26 p.m.
Captain Serious
Will not chat with you, either at the start of the night, or between games.
Coz you are a filthy casual with NO idea.
Flicks their hand at you or shouts, "Go," to indicate that they are passing turn.
Holds edge of the card on the table and stares at it for a couple of minutes, before playing it. Snaps the card on to the table, when it is finally played.
Always aligns their deck parallel to the table edge.
Has an opinion about every Magic interaction, since the beginning of time.
Declares all triggers by saying, "Trigger," so anyone listening hears what sounds like, "Trigger. Trigger, trigger. Trigger."
Constantly corrects Magic shortcuts, such as a Player saying that they want to attack a Planeswalker.
Even though the Tournament rules say that is fine.
Flicks cards like a baby bunny on acid.
November 3, 2017 3:54 p.m.
Argy: "Flicks cards like a baby bunny on acid" --Is this that thing where they sort of flip through their cards-in-hand as if they're counting money, but at a ridiculous pace, and somehow loud as hell so that all you can think about is how annoying the sound is?
The Human Life Counter: This player will sit down for the match, and inform you they forgot their life counter and that they will keep track of their life total in their head. I'm supposed to trust that among all the intricacies of magic and numbers being thrown around you will be able to accurately keep track of your life in your head? (This is why I always bring an extra spindown.)
The Wiz Kid: At a pre-release you sit down to face this youngster, thinking it's going to be an easy win and get wrecked. This kid will be winning big some day and maybe has a parent who's been playing magic for a while.
November 3, 2017 4:21 p.m.
Tyrant-Thanatos says... #11
This thread makes me feel bad about myself lol. I wish I didn't relate to as much of this as I do.
November 3, 2017 7:29 p.m.
The Spike: While not always playing competitive formats, this player treats every deck and game as if it should belong in one, often times bringing up the local or pro-meta when talking about decks they are playing with or against, usually in a critical and un-pleasant manner.
The terms "that card is bad" or "if you don't run this your deck is bad" are commonplace with this player, who normally tries their best to play games as if they have something to prove. They will interject into conversations they're not a part of just to prove how right they are, without wanting to hear how wrong they might be.
This is normally the player who has very little friends who tolerate them, and a fair amount of players will stand up and leave when they sit down for a game of Commander.
They usually have a fetish for Blue.
I swear I don't hold grudges, guys.
November 3, 2017 10:18 p.m.
demonicgrizzly says... #13
the constant reminder
The player that "forgets" to tap their mana before they play their spells. Or they "forget" that their land enters tapped, so you have to remind them or ask them constantly. Common phrases are "oh, I don't actually have the mana for that" and "oh, I forgot about that part of the card" and "I just built this deck yesterday so I'm getting used to the cards."
the asshat
The guy who plays top tier decks and makes fun of players that have to build on a budget. Common phrases are "that's such a bad card" or "you really have that card in your deck?"
the non-competetive competitive player
Gives people crap for playing competetive decks in a casual setting but plays a deck focused on beating everyone at once, every game, every time. Common phrases are "at least everyone gets second when I win" and "i don't like instant win combos, but it's the only way my deck can win"
the bragger
Constantly has to remind people that they have only lost X times with their deck. Or that they just went 4-0 at the last FNM.
November 3, 2017 10:24 p.m.
MagicalHacker says... #14
Me too! Especially 'Always aligns their deck parallel to the table edge. Has an opinion about every Magic interaction, since the beginning of time. Declares all triggers by saying, "Trigger," so anyone listening hears what sounds like, "Trigger. Trigger, trigger. Trigger." '
November 3, 2017 10:27 p.m.
Tyrant-Thanatos says... #15
Just to be that guy for a second, so long as WotC insists on continuing to print garbage like Open Fire I will continue to call said cards out as the garbage that they are in any constructed environment, casual or not. It's not an insult to the player or their budget, it's knowledge. Some players are new and inexperienced enough to not know that Lightning Strike, Searing Spear, or Shock exist, all of which should be affordable on any budget. Yes, Lightning Bolt is better and a bit spendier, but if a player doesn't know these cards exist, they can't go in search of them, and won't improve their deck or experience.
I suppose some of this should be taken with a grain of salt, but some of the things mentioned in this thread I know I do sometimes, and it's not out of any ill intent.
November 3, 2017 10:49 p.m.
Yea this thread took a dark turn; let's come up with some friendly ones!
The Auto-Include
Will invite anyone to play; regardless of skill level, age, or clique. Just wants everyone to have a good time! =D
The Giver
Has oodles of cards. Doesn't mind hooking up newer players with commons/uncommons/bulk rares to build their first few decks.
November 3, 2017 11:36 p.m.
demonicgrizzly says... #17
I remember my first encounter with a giver. He gave me a playset of lingering souls. This was just a few weeks into my magic career.
November 4, 2017 12:22 a.m.
I see myself in a LOT of these descriptions.
We all have something in us as players that will annoy SOMEBODY at SOME time.
The "Inexperienced"
Tells you as soon as they sit down that, "I just put this deck together an hour ago."
What you hear: "This deck has been pieced together from someone's collection and probably won't be that strong."
What they REALLY mean: "I looked up the deck list for the most competitive deck in this format, obtained all the cards, and sleeved them up ready for play AN HOUR AGO."
November 4, 2017 5:52 a.m.
MagicalHacker says... #19
Oooh positive ones, I like that idea too!
The Low in Sodium
This player is characterized by being both a good sport when winning and when losing. Rarely, if ever, do they get salty. Common quotes:
- "Dang, that card is awesome!"
- "That was such a close match, I can't believe I actually won."
- "I really like your deck, I can definitely tell you put a lot of hard work into building it."
The GM
This player starts first with the goal of making sure everyone has fun in the multiplayer games, and knows how to balance the common goal of winning with the perfect level of power for the group. Common quotes of this player:
- "Tap my Homeward Path so that everyone gets their creatures back."
- "I'm not gonna hit you cause you're mana screwed."
- "I wanna see how your Avacyn, Guardian Angel deck plays out, so I'll play Fog to save you."
The Most Interesting Opponent in the World
This player doesn't always play, but when they do, they play such unique homebrews that you are just blown away by the talent they have in building their interesting decks. Some common quotes:
- "I really wanted to play with Lich, so I built this Selenia, Dark Angel deck so that I can play stuff like Repay in Kind and Reverse the Sands."
- "Have you heard of the Mesmeric Orb Basalt Monolith combo?"
- "At your end step, I am going to cast Kaervek's Spite to sacrifice my entire board, triggering Academy Rector to get Barren Glory."
The Deck Doctor
This player has a lot of experience building decks and playing in the format, so when they offer help, you know the deck is going to get much better. Some common quotes:
- "One of the nice things about playing white is that you get quite a few efficient spot removal cards for any type of permanent!"
- "I see you are playing Tooth and Nail, do you have Craterhoof Behemoth in the deck?"
- "If you are having trouble staying out of topdeck mode, here are some cards in your colors that you can use to keep your hand filled."
November 4, 2017 8:24 a.m.
JoltsOfEnergy says... #20
How about
The Encrypter
The majority of this person's deck are either bad proxies with just the name of the card or foreign copies of the card that nobody can read. This person him/herself will often forget the exact wording of the card so in order to understand interactions somebody will constantly have to look up the cards to see what exactly they do. Some common quotes:
- Ohh, this is the thing that makes tokens.
- Im pretty sure it has flying
- It deals damage, rounded...down...or was it up?
November 4, 2017 8:25 a.m.
demonicgrizzly says... #21
Ugh. the foreign card guy facepalm
How about the store employee
The store employee that plays during events with prize support to "protect the packs" or play for the store" and always rocks the best net deck so that it's always very difficult to win.
Or the trade binder guy
The player who always has everything you are looking for and is always willing to trade.
November 4, 2017 9:47 a.m.
@demonicgrizzly alternative version of the trade binder guy/girl is one who has an epic collection of things you need; but can't find anything they want in your binder :| :| :|
Also MagicalHacker is good at this lol
November 4, 2017 10:18 a.m.
Winterblast says... #23
Has anyone encountered the casual pro?Insists he has that one "tournament deck" but basically never plays it in order to "keep the games more fun". Involves himself in discussions on competitive play but his comments clearly give away he has no experience with the topic. Gets salty when his "tournament deck" gets wrecked by a well tuned tier 3 deck.
greyninja that's definitely me. I'm always looking for stuff that no one happens to own, even though I could hand out huge value in trades. You become that guy when you are unwilling to trade one high priced card for several lower priced cards
November 4, 2017 10:31 a.m. Edited.
demonicgrizzly says... #24
greyninja I can be that guy sometimes. But I'm at the stage in my collection that I already have most things I need and the stuff I do need is very expensive.
November 4, 2017 10:43 a.m.
The Equipper
ALWAYS has the following:
Energy Reserve cards
Clue/Treasure/Etherium Cell Tokens
Any other Token their deck requires
Promo copies of their cards that have one
Flip cards in see-through sleeves, with corresponding checklist cards in their deck
Card sleeves that mirror their deck colour(s)
Deck box that matches the colour of their sleeves, often with an image on it that reflects the theme of their deck eg. Neheb, the Eternal deck box for a Minotaur deck
A good number of d6, in their favourite Magic colour
Four spindown dice - two for them, two to keep track of the Opponent life totals
Also possibly two of the spindown dice will be metal
A spindown ring on their finger
T shirt related to Magic
Playmat of their favourite Planeswalker, kept in a playmat tube of matching colour
Purpose built Magic bag to hold all their equipment, in their favourite Magic colour
Pen and scoring notepad, branded with the name of their LGS
Eyeglasses
November 4, 2017 11:19 a.m.
demonicgrizzly says... #26
Argy I have an ultimate giard boulder deck box that I keep all my tokens in, sleeved up in black dragonshields, with energy reserve token and plainswalker emblems included. a bag full of d6, d4, and spindowns, but it's a ziplock bag. Reading glasses. I must be on my way to an equipper lol
November 4, 2017 11:35 a.m.
Both of these describe me in some way.
The Explainer
- Explains what every card is/does
- Explains every interaction
- Will explain phases if you draw before you untap or attack without announcing combat
The Compliment Brag
- Starts off telling you good things about your deck before going on a short rant recapping the game you just played and how he won
- Explains every missed trigger or misplay you made, and tells you how he would have done it differently but why it wouldn't have changed the result because of X or Y
My one Defense is I'm normally just really excited and not trying to be a dick. Has been pointed out by close friends
November 4, 2017 11:43 a.m.
Starts off telling you good things about your deck before going on a short rant recapping the game you just played and how S/HE won
/fxd
November 5, 2017 2:56 a.m. Edited.
demonicgrizzly I'm an Equipper.
You sound like you are well on your way.
Goober, gobble, goober, gobble
One of us, one of us!
November 5, 2017 2:59 a.m.
demonicgrizzly says... #30
Argy does having a page collection Of full art textless cards help me get there? Haha
November 5, 2017 7:49 a.m.
Nah, that's more like being ...
The Collector
Has it all:
Four Black Lotus
Playsets of the Alpha dual lands in Mint condition
Jace, the Mind Sculptor foil playset
Liliana of the Veil foil playset
Foil Tarmogoyf playset
Lots of miscut cards
Every full art land in foil
At least one complete set of cards released for an expansion, along with all the promos
Probably lots of other cards that I just don't have the knowledge to be aware of
Has no house, car, or other collateral. Doesn't care.
November 5, 2017 8:20 a.m.
maxon says...
"Is this that thing where they sort of flip through their cards-in-hand as if they're counting money, but at a ridiculous pace, and somehow loud as hell so that all you can think about is how annoying the sound is?"
Yoss.
If they do it while I am in the tank, I will ask them to stop.
If I find myself doing it I will put the cards in my hand face down on the table, or just put them in the order I want to play, and hold them still.
November 5, 2017 11:27 a.m.
landofMordor says... #33
LOL this thread made me laugh -- MagicalHacker is on point, as is Argy.
I have a couple I've been ruminating on for awhile now:
The Tammy's Timmy: Has no mythics in his/her binder because they're all crammed into their The Ur-Dragon deck along with every legendary Dragon. This includes Aetherworks Marvel, Sphinx of the Steel Wind, and Eldrazi...but don't worry, they run Arcane Adaptation too. When they lose, they complain that Naturalize shouldn't beat Mindslaver because it's a common. Tends to think that "card advantage" is a function of power and toughness, not hand size.
The Johnny's Jenny: Disparages any deck with a budget over $50. Announces upon losing that "if I didn't have my priorities straight, I'd buy Serum Visions too and then I'd crush you through superior deck-building". However, when they do pull off a Near-Death Experience, they'll remind you about it for the rest of the year. Tends to equate deck budget to moral superiority.
The Spike's Spike: Seems to have forgotten that Magic cards are sold in "game" stores. Will ask you to step away from the table if you try to advise your partner during his/her first draft, then proceed to bait/obfuscate your partner into attacking into an Escaped Null that they didn't know about. (True story.) Is willing to play against noobs and little kids in order to win.
I think we all tend to have a little too much of those psychographics at some times. And of course, in balance, none of those types are negative. I tend to be a Johnny's Johnny at my worst moments. At my best, though, I am:
The Casual's Casual: Only wants to play a tight, fun game. Is completely unwilling to win just because their opponent is manascrewed -- instead, will tell them to "go get a Plains" instead of draw a card. Is also known to correct one's opponent if they miss a trigger or target Karador, Ghost Chieftain with Doom Blade, with the firm belief that nobody should lose due to misplays. Plays Boros commanders and group-hug to help everyone have a good time. Plays draw-go control only to protect everyone else from the Spike's Spike. When they notice that you can sacrifice Serra Avatar to Ayli, Eternal Pilgrim during combat and activate Cradle of Vitality to put 40 +1/+1 counters on an attacking 0/1 Goat token for the win, they will alert you.
November 6, 2017 10:17 a.m.
landofMordor says... #34
greyninja, The Giver is a high compliment. My first Magic deck was a Naya stompy deck that a friend let me borrow. I fell in love with his Ajani Vengeant. It led me to the firm belief that nobody should have to build his/her first deck, and that Magic is best taught by sharing.
I also think a fair number of folks on this thread are Givers in another way, by making themselves available to help with others' decks. Good job everyone for making the Internet a little brighter of a place.
Argy says... #2
I will kick things off with ...
The Always Late
Rocks up JUST after the pairs for FNM have been announced, convinces the LGS to let her/him play, meaning all the match ups need to be redone.
Takes a smoke break between every game, and always has to be hunted down, and asked to come back inside to play.
Ironically leaves before the results are announced, so any winnings are left uncollected.
The Unprepared
Has a deck that uses , -1/-1 Counters, +1/+1 Counters, and copious different types of Tokens.
Doesn't bring an Energy Reserve card or ANY of the Tokens or Counters needed, but rather wants to represent EVERYTHING with d6.
As a consequence the board becomes flooded with d6, and the Opponent loses track of what any of them stand for.
The Obfuscator
Doesn't fully tap lands, then taps them again, because they look as though they have not yet been tapped.
Plays very fast, and doesn't clearly explain what cards are being triggered.
Durdles around constantly tapping and untapping cards, until the Opponent has lost track of what is going on.
Sometimes "accidentally" draws too many cards, then either wants to just put them back on top, or shuffle the deck.
The Unclean
Smells like an old pile of sewerage.
Has stains all down her/his shirt front.
Hasn't brushed teeth for a couple of days.
Hair looks greasy.
Sits next to you ALL night.
November 3, 2017 12:08 p.m.