Thought this was an amazing article ...
General forum
Posted on Feb. 7, 2018, 12:48 p.m. by clayperce
... about women in Magic:
Death By A Thousand Paper Cuts, by Thea Miller
TL;DR: "There are many things we can do as a community to make Magic more welcoming to women ..."
- Understand that most sexism is covert
- Assumptions are harmful
- Representation matters
- Recognize anecdotal data and claims
- Treat women as equals
The actual article is a pretty long read, but well worth it.
I don't mean to downplay the topic, but man is that lead-in grating.
Much of the opening narration is plagued by issues that people unfamiliar to an environment, especially one occupied by as many socially awkward people as LGSs, will inevitably face. If I go to my nearest LGS right now, people will ask me if I'm new. Why? Because I've stepped inside the store once in the past 6 months and that was to buy some copies of uncommons I wanted to alter. Asking if the narrator is new to the game is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It's also damn hard to break into friendly chatter at a draft table where people are focused on the game and are already in established social circles. Such is the plight of entering into a new social environment.
Beyond that, I don't know what kind of store is so large or has such a revolving playerbase that people won't recognize a player (weekly participation) after seven months.
As for the issue with the toilets, if they're not kept in reasonable condition (not even toilet paper? ffs, that's just terrible for both sexes) I'm afraid to tell you, but that LGS is probably terrible.
As for advising new players/letting players take stuff back, etc. we're talking about FNM here. To be clear, this is a regular REL event. Even the official doc for judging at this level emphasizes the importance of having fun and helping others. It's also perfectly natural for people to back off on the aid once a player showcases their ability during games.
I'm hyper aware of trying to make new people comfortable at events. The notion that I shouldn't let my opponent take something back is laughable regardless of their sex. You do not want FNM to be the type of environment where people are afraid to say or do anything nice to opponents.
In fact, if you keep interpreting these types of actions as microagressions and calling people out on it, it's legitimately going to lead to people treating female players differently. If I can't feel comfortable letting a player take a play back because I think I'm going to be vilified over it, I'm not going to do that. This goes against the author's desire to have women be treated as equals by the non-problematic 90% of magic players she mentions.
The article makes a big point about how assumptions are harmful but fails to recognize that a lot of the actions perceived as sexist presumes intent of a specific kind.
In response, I'd like to advocate speaking up. It's really hard to parse the intent behind someone letting you take back a play. Clarify that you're not new, you made an honest mistake, and you expect yourself to play better than that. I guarantee if you communicate issues like this clearly, you'll have much fewer repeat incidents with players.
Consistently painting female players as being so fragile as to be wounded by papercuts will result in men walking on eggshells around them. Im afraid this will only amplify the feelings of social isolation that women can feel when entering MtG.
February 7, 2018 3:43 p.m.
DarkMagician says... #4
TheDevicer My thoughts exactly... Though you put it much more eloquently than I ever could have.
February 7, 2018 3:56 p.m.
Respectfully, you are sort of missing the point. The author does not say male players will never experience many of these situations--merely that they will not experience such as often. In my experience, this is a true statement.
My girlfriend and I both play Magic (I had stopped playing after Scourge, and she reintroduced me to the game). While neither of us has time for FNM, we make it a point to attend as many prereleases as we can. So far, we have played at two wildly different game stores, and both have had different experiences at each store.
The first game store was located in a poor town some forty minutes from our law school. For inexplicable reasons, despite being in the heart of a college town, and adjacent to several notable cities, this was the only gamestore in an hour radius. In addition to some class-based disparities, which were felt equally by the two of us, the players here were extremely misogynistic. To provide some examples:
They regularly tried to tell her the wrong rules/how a card should be used. This was never done to me.
Their gaze had, to put it politely, a habit of wandering.
They gave her gifts of additional cards/promo dice in an attempt to win her favour.
They went out of their way to be doubly rude to myself, and, when playing, would often alternate a hate-and-jealousy filled gaze between myself and my girlfriend (who would be located at another table).
Our second experience is much better. After relocating to a more populous city, we spent an entire day visiting each and every game store in the immediate vicinity (we checked out 5 or 6 stores), in an effort to find a good match. The store we found is wonderful--it is clean and brightly lit, has lots of room for players, and a near 50-50 split between male and female staff (I think it favours female).
I love our LGS, and, for the most part, the two of us are treated exactly equally. That said, there are a very few players who we've both played against who treat her differently than me--with me, they are silent, anti-social types; with her, they are outright rude, flagrantly cheat, and are pretentious about the rules (even when the judge proves them wrong).
So, yes, the author does have a point--there are people who treat women differently than men in a Magic environment. She is completely justified in trying to raise awareness of this issue.
Presumably, based on your post, you let everyone you allow all your opponents to take back moves, regardless of gender. You are exactly what the author wants to see--good people who are nice not because someone is a woman, but because that someone is a fellow Magic player.
Ultimately, there are two things you need to realise. First, these issues do exist, even in the best of gamestores. Second, if you are as you say, you are not the person this article was written for. This article is for the overt misogynists of my first gamestore. It is for the more subtle ones at my current gamestore.
The author does not want you, as an alleged paragon of equality to walk on eggshells or be paranoid. You have already passed the author's test. Pat yourself on the back, and hope more players will join your illustrious rank.
February 7, 2018 4:29 p.m. Edited.
I personally took a couple big things away from the article. Both are wrapped up in the "Assumptions are harmul" piece.
First was that I never thought about how a question like "Are you new to Magic?" could be hurtful. I love how a subtle change (to "How long have you been playing?") can make such a big difference in tone.
Second was that the "Assumptions are harmful" piece can cut both ways. Something can be said or received as a polite chat ("Are you new to Magic?" = Welcome!), but it can also be said or received as condescending and rude ("Are you new to Magic?" = You play like a noob!"). It's maybe like how holding a door open for someone can be done or received as a polite gesture ("Please allow me" = Basic manners), but it can also be done or received as a belittling action ("Please allow me" = You're probably too weak to get this door for yourself, ha ha!").
I've always very aware of the messages I intend to send with my words and actions. I think I'll be more aware now of how they might be received ...
February 7, 2018 4:37 p.m. Edited.
TheDevicer,
Just to pile on to the my whole "said or received" thing, I agree with you that the author was probably receiving things as condescending and rude, even though though (some/many/most) of them were not intended that way.
I still like the article ... I knew, logically, that people (both men and women) could feel that way, but I didn't really understand it until I read this ...
February 7, 2018 4:47 p.m. Edited.
cdkime - With all due respect, I'm going to ignore the first half of your post. I think it's great that you both now have a decent place to play regularly. I wish I had that. Still, I don't feel like it adds much to the conversation, especially since I don't feel like I'm missing the point here. I acknowledge sexism can and does happen on both obvious and insidious ways. That's not what I'm trying to argue about here.
No, what I'm trying to call attention to is that the frequent conversations we have about this topic and the manner they are conducted in will have their own effects on the community. Maybe talks like these will gradually decrease the amount of sexism women face in the community, but if that progress comes from men actively choosing not to engage with women in the community out of fear of coming across the wrong way, I don't think that we're getting anywhere meaningful and we're creating a host of new issues.
I don't like to get into anecdotal stuff, but in the recent years, I've grown extremely uncomfortable walking behind women late at night (taller than average and 'mean' looking), uncomfortable at being in my office with a woman with the door close, and utterly terrified at being alone with kids. My point is that the language used in discussions about sexism has power.
Although you assure me that the author doesn't want me to walk on eggshells, the manner in which these conversations are carried out are gradually making it harder for me to have normal interactions with female members on the community.
Caerwyn says... #2
This was a good article, and I am glad you linked it. What really made this article worthwhile was not how it highlighted issues--anyone can do that--but that it offered suggestions for improvement.
My only complaint is that, despite its length, there were issues it missed. But that's hardly a fault, and its inability to address the full magnitude of issues is more an admonishment of the problems, not the article.
February 7, 2018 2:10 p.m.