Just Chatting - Take 3
Social forum
Posted on April 24, 2015, 4:02 p.m. by Didgeridooda
Third time's a charm.
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Epochalyptik says... #2
I argue that "friend zone" is one person refusing to begin a relationship and the other person refusing to work with that person in the capacity of a genuine friend.
May 21, 2015 3:40 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #3
I've got a group of dudes i've known since I was 8 yrs old haha. The one girl in the group I dated for a while in middleschool but she left school after two weeks. Years later we nearly tried again but she found someone new. A little disheartening but I and the dude are friends now and I'm glad they found each other.
squadgoals man. They came on my stream to fuck with me if any of you were there for that
May 21, 2015 3:44 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #4
From around here, the average girl values friends more than her relationship whereas the average guy values relationships more than his friends. Which is where the conflict of one just wants one to be on a friend basis because they value that more and the other wants to be on a relationship basis because they value that more.
May 21, 2015 3:47 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #5
Personally there are three things I think make the ideal relationship in no particular order.
Romantic attraction
Sexual Attraction
Genuine Friendship
May 21, 2015 3:51 p.m.
There are three major principles that make a relationship work that have been scientifically tested:
Resources invested (a nice way of saying money spent)
Sexual attraction
Psychological compatibility (personality)
These have all been strongly correlated to good outcomes in relationships. Number 1 is particularly interesting because it theorises that the longer a relationship is, the less likely it is to break down (because over time you spend more and more). This has actually been tested and does appear to be true. Longer relationships tend to drive themselves more.
I know no one really wants to talk about reason number 1 but it does make sense; the more time, money and effort you put into something, the more rewarding it is.
May 21, 2015 3:56 p.m.
I think romantic attraction (your reason number 1) is a mixture of psychological and sexual attraction (reasons 2 and 3).
Like, as far as I can tell romance is what happens when you are sexually attracted to someone you actually also like as a person.
May 21, 2015 3:59 p.m. Edited.
I value sexual attraction the least, it's about the person yo... But that doesn't mean I don't value it at all YOUKNOWWHATIMEANHUEHUE I'm so sorry.
May 21, 2015 4 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #10
seems to be. I just don't count it as correct since I missed the investment thing. Sounds about right too. My current partner and I have invested a ton into each other and it truly does feel rewarding.
May 21, 2015 4 p.m.
I am really broke because my girlfriend wanted this. I am simultaneously super lucky AND super unlucky.
May 21, 2015 4:08 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #13
Damn son. i'm only broke because i have to chuck $300 per paycheck to save for a car and a trailer next year.
off topic a small bit. You guys think 12,000 is enough for
Airtravel, uhaul cube, down payment on home/car and some supplies for living?
May 21, 2015 4:11 p.m.
AngryBearTony says... #14
@ChiefBell: While you may say you're super unlucky, I'm sure you'll find it's well worth every penny. And I agree to a point about resources spent, though I think "time" as a concept is usually more invested than "money," though over the long haul I can see your point about it being a more solid "investment." Perhaps that's why some relationships which seem to be "broken" are still a working thing, whereas others have fizzled.
@VampireArmy: I think it depends on where you want to live, what you're looking for (rent or own? condo or house? square feet, and of course, location, location, location), and what kind of car you fancy. All that jazz. For instance, $12,000 is probably enough for travel from anywhere to anywhere within the continent, a small down payment on a car with a decent monthly (of course maybe not much more than $15 - 20K, depending on credit/down payment), and first and last on an appt.
May 21, 2015 4:28 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #16
Well to put it into perspective.
It's me and my girl with our two cats. Need a small car, nothing too good but i'd like one that doesn't go tits up after a month. Size/make don't matter.
We've been looking at trailers in Rosamond, CA (my home town) they appear to be cheaper than houses but more stable than apartments. We plan to live in the area for quite a few years until we can afford better.
May 21, 2015 4:33 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #17
That's about $436 Cad over here. Seems about right.
From Social Psychology: the number one thing that determines a person's affection for another is proximity. If you are around that person a lot you are more likely to fall for that person.
May 21, 2015 4:34 p.m.
Femme_Fatale - Generally handmade 0.6mm British latex isn't that cheap. Westward bound is pricy for a reason....
It's like the goyf of latex.
May 21, 2015 4:36 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #21
I AM however, absolutely adoring their shoe collection ♥
May 21, 2015 4:40 p.m.
Its pretty sticky and awful if you're not doing it right but she likes it. It can be quite sexy. Like I totally get why some people hate it and some people love it. However I have tried both handmade and mass produced and, for me, handmade is better.
Westward bound? shoes? I thought their shoes were bad? link?
May 21, 2015 4:41 p.m.
AngryBearTony says... #23
Hmm. I can understand the trailer thing, and they're not bad at all in certain places. However, most of those places have certain by-laws you need to pass before you can purchase, so keep that in mind, plus they charge you some extra fees, etc. So depending on how big and the place, you could look at anywhere from $1000 - $1500/month mortgage, depending on how much down, though they usually like 10% minimum. Of course that price usually includes gas/water/electric/garbage, but not always. I don't know... Seems doable. Best for you to do a hardcore budget appraisal of what you want now, and then work towards that. "I will spend x on the car, x on the place, x on transpo, etc." And then figure out what you can afford monthly. No sense getting in stuck in something when you scrap by every month.
@Femme_Fatale: I'd qualify that with the more contact you have with a person the more you might desire a relationship, as sometimes distance is not a factor, but communication can be. Hence why some long distance relationships can be rewarding. Of course it's all subjective, though I think generally contact is more important than proximity.
May 21, 2015 4:42 p.m.
Proximity is chemical. Oxytocin is produced in larger amounts when in close proximity to another person, especially when physical contact is initiated. Get enough oxytocin pumping through you, and your feelings are no longer your choice. Evolution is deciding for you.
May 21, 2015 4:44 p.m.
SEX!
Am I doing this right?
No?...
Just tell me when you guys are done, I'll let myself out...
May 21, 2015 4:47 p.m.
Gross Fun fact for you: nipple stimulation triggers a mass oxytocin dump in your brain as your body thinks your baby is trying to nurse. So the lesson to be learned here is, obviously, rub girls' nipples at bars and they'll definitely fall in love with you.
(Results may vary...)
May 21, 2015 4:47 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #28
They don't have very much in the shoe collection, probably because they are trying to get rid of them all. But I still like them. Even if I'm not going to be spending money on shoes anymore. At least, not for many years to come (I now have about 22 pairs after all :D), and I most certainly won't be paying for $80 pairs of shoes.
May 21, 2015 4:47 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #31
Fun fact: that will work for guys too since they can breast feed for short periods of time :D
May 21, 2015 4:49 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #32
kinda what i'm doing now. Scraping by until I can get where I need to be.
May 21, 2015 4:49 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #33
$80 in cad Chief. I'm converting. Well, it'll probably be $100 flat after shipping and all that.
May 21, 2015 4:50 p.m.
Femme_Fatale, you've necessitated a very awkward conversation with my lady tonight...
May 21, 2015 4:50 p.m.
Sagarys - You misinterpreted the word proximity as sexual proximity when really these studies extend to like physical distance proximity as in like living a few metres away or a kilometre away etc.
Wait I can get more shoes.
May 21, 2015 4:51 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #36
Oh? She wants you to breastfeed now? You can only do it for so long. It's meant to be a temporary thing men can train themselves to do for when their female partners are away. I'm thinking for about a few months. It's not enough to keep the baby alive, just happy. And you may only be able to do it when she's pregnant, but I don't have enough research on that. All I know is that there's a limit to how much you can do, and that you'll have to train yourself ... somehow.
May 21, 2015 4:53 p.m.
I didn't start with sexual proximity, it just ended up there because, well... sex. Oxytocin is produced in general when you're around someone a lot. That's why you like your family more than your neighbors. It's just produced more when you touch.
May 21, 2015 4:55 p.m.
And I am saying oxytocin is like 1 tiny bit of a very expansive puzzle. Biological determinism is not valid because there all kinds of people that suffer from hormone deficiencies that still feel the same feelings as you and I yet have little to no oxytocin.
May 21, 2015 4:58 p.m.
AngryBearTony says... #45
You like your family more than your neighbors? My dad, sure. Even my brother when he's not being utterly moronic (which can be often depending on the moon cycle, I believe). But everyone else? Ugh. Okay.
May 21, 2015 5:07 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #47
"Even my brother when he's not being utterly moronic (which can be often depending on the moon cycle, I believe)"
wut?
May 21, 2015 5:18 p.m.
AngryBearTony says... #48
There are always arguments about whether the phases of the moon affect people's behavior, though I guarantee the majority of it is based on old folklore.
May 21, 2015 5:20 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #50
oh I see. I was gonna say, has he been reading too much werewolf stories?
Runlue says... #1
I don't have ANY devoted best friends, but I have a lot of "best" friends, that don't consider me as one of theirs. It's really sad actually, but that's why I'm on the internet so much. LOL
May 21, 2015 3:39 p.m.