Just Chatting - Take 3
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Posted on April 24, 2015, 4:02 p.m. by Didgeridooda
Third time's a charm.
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So yesterday I went to a one day class on how to use microsoft excel. Was scheduled to run from 10am to 6pm, but they said it had the possibility of ending 2-3 hours early. After looking at the syllabus, I didn't really understand why it would take more than 4-5 hours, but whatever. Figured they would just run through the different things you can do with it and tell us all of the basic formula's and how to use em.
Anyway, i get there, and there are six people in the class, myself included. The instructor was Haitian, but his accent wasn't bad and he was very good at explaining everything. I found it very easy to follow what he was doing (he had his computer hooked up to a projector and we had our own computers to follow along and do the exercises), and two other girls around my age also found it easy to understand.
But the other three students, all 50+ year old women... let me tell you. By the time the class was over (and yes, it took the full eight hours because of these three... people), I wanted to stab my eyes out I had such a bad headache. It was like they hadn't ever used a computer before in their life. They didn't know how to save a document with a new name, let alone follow instructions. They would watch the guy for 4-5 minutes at a time, NOT following along with their computers, and then when the guy would ask if everyone was with him, they would say no. He would then have to go to each of their computers, individually, and walk them through it. Every. Five. Minutes.
It's not like they even had to UNDERSTAND what they were doing. All they had to do was click the things he was clicking on, and type the things he was typing. They were incapable of doing that. The instructor was one of the most enthusiastic teachers I had seen in a while, but by the end of the class you could tell he was trying his best not to snap and break down.
To give you a better idea of how tech illiterate these women were, I have two examples. One of them after about six hours, spoke up "My keyboard isn't working". The teacher at this point looked like he was about to just walk about. "What do you mean it isn't working? What did you do?" He walks over. "Oh wait, never mind, it's working! Look!" The woman picks up her mouse, and starts waiving it around in the air showing off the red light underneath. The instructor tried to explain that the mouse and keyboard were connected separately, but she didn't understand and spent two minutes arguing with him that she had "fixed" it, despite the fact she couldn't type anything. "It was just being slow". I could tell the instructor wanted to die.
At the very end of the class, we were supposed to email the worksheet to ourselves (they had set up a bunch of different problems for us and as an excel newbie it's super useful). Another women didn't know how to do that. "What kind of email do you use?" "Yahoo". (And if you didn't know, there's no program for yahoo email, you have to go onto their website. There should be no way you don't know how to access your email.) "Ok well go to Yahoo. Go to Yahoo. Go to Yahoo, the website, you know?... Come on, just type Yahoo. Where? In the address bar. It's right there. There. THERE! Ok now sign in... right there, it's on the right. No, that's the address bar! (It's not even funny at this point, I just want to leave). Now type in your username. It's your email. No, not your name, your email..." This took ten minutes. Unfortunately, he hadn't given us our certificates of completion yet so we all had to sit there through this.
April 28, 2016 12:14 p.m.
kyuuri117 There are plenty of online courses that you can take to learn Excel. They don't take long at all. That class sounds like hell.
April 28, 2016 3:12 p.m.
Ohthenoises says... #4
What you didn't realize is that you weren't there for a course in excel, you were in there for a course in patience.
April 28, 2016 3:35 p.m.
Patience is not a recognized word in the New York City edition of the Websters Dictionary.
But in all seriousness, I probably should have just taken an online class.
April 28, 2016 6:35 p.m.
I saw some real quackery today. I was waiting for my ride home from school, so I was sitting there by the parking lot and I looked over to see two ducks staring at me. They just walked past my feet and climbed up next to me. I didnt have anything for them but someone gave me a few Ritz crackers and the I sat there feeding ducks while waiting for a ride home from school. And it wasn't any of that pansy feeding where you just toss crumbs to them, I just walked over and they took a bunch of crackers out of my hand. I will henceforth be referred to as The Fowl King.
April 28, 2016 7:26 p.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #7
@Pro_Noob you have nearly perfectly lived up to your name, yet again.
April 28, 2016 7:33 p.m.
I think I just found the greatest youtube video ever. Link
April 28, 2016 10:04 p.m.
The fat-shaming video was interesting.
Reminds me of people being diagnosed with sleep disorders when they are really just obese. Or being diagnosed with Gastric Reflux disease, or something in a similar vein, when you really just need to stop eating so much and smoking so much.
April 29, 2016 12:15 a.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #10
My hair is bouncy today. I put it in a sidetail and keep the hair in front of me so I can watch it as I walk. It's akin to watching your own cleavage bounce as you walk. Now I just need both.
April 30, 2016 6:37 a.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #11
@Femme_Fatale not sure what to say but... good for you. keep doing that. good job.
April 30, 2016 2:22 p.m.
Ohthenoises says... #13
@VampireArmy Thing in the Ice Flip, Titis as requested.
April 30, 2016 8:21 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #16
DERPLINGSUPREME Bro you can fap to anything if you believe hard enough.
April 30, 2016 8:33 p.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #17
I'll have to try that out sometime....
oh Chub Toad... one day...
April 30, 2016 9:42 p.m.
ThisIsBullshit says... #18
Guys. I played in a friend's wedding today and I thought they were going to have other music but they apparently like me so much I was the only one playing. I love them so much. :')
I also wore a dress and heels for the first time in my life lol
May 1, 2016 1:24 a.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #19
omg, look at what I found
what even is this. seriously. is it propaganda? wut?
May 1, 2016 11:18 p.m.
TheFoilAjani says... #20
ThisIsBullshit Congrats! and Congrats?
DERPLINGSUPREME What the actual f**k?
May 1, 2016 11:54 p.m.
I was on Reddit looking for some good horror stories, and one of the more interesting ones was a manga called Uzumaki, which I think means Spiral.
Anyway the story is about a town that is haunted the by the concept of the Spiral. Which sounds stupid, until you realize they are everywhere. The town members become obsessed with them, or terrified by them. One woman, and this is a minor spoiler (like the second chapter), realizes that her fingerprints are actually spirals. So she takes a knife and cuts them off. Then, in the hospital, she notices a poster of the human head and realizes that her cochlea in her ear is a spiral. Well, to make it short, she dies.
Each chapter is different and you get to see the town descend into madness. The story starts off super creepy and fucked up, and ends up in super fucking weird territory. Some of the reviews had legitimate criticism, but I think it's worth checking out if you're a fan of horror stories. Takes about 2-3 hours to get through the 20 chapters. I'd give it a solid 8/10. Some of the later chapters aren't as good as the earlier ones but it's all together very solid.
Edit: Oh, as a warning, the author doesn't shy away from gore. It's not excessive or unbelieveable, but it's still gross.
May 2, 2016 5:11 p.m. Edited.
VampireArmy says... #22
I'll have to check that out. Lately my thing is binge reading/listening to morbid and creepy paranormal stories. Especially those that include dangerous rituals disguised as games.
For example, i recently read about one where you buy a small child's doll and tear out all of the stuffing then replacing it with salt and your own nails.
After that,at midnight, you fill a bathtub with water and salt then put the doll in there. You leave the room and count then come back and yell "i found you!" and basically shank the doll repeatedly. Once that's done, yell "it's my turn", leave the knife and book it like hell cuz it's coming after you now.
The only way to end the game is to shove the salt from the bath in your mouth, find the doll before it finds you and pick it up yelling i win 3 times. After that, you gotta burn it.
Wouldn't recommend it. I'm not particularly religious or anything but I still wouldn't tempt fate like that
May 2, 2016 6:37 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #23
Uzumaki is interesting. I've read a few of them, but horror just isn't really me. If you like horror than you might like it, but it doesn't really have much of a story beyond a lot of shorts strung together with some characters popping up frequently.
May 2, 2016 7:25 p.m.
Well no paranormal rituals in Uzumaki, but it does have paranormal... stuff... happening in it. I wouldn't want to spoil anything if you're going to read it.
Edit: Femme_Fatale There actually is an overarching story. Granted, the whole thing is only nineteen chapters, and each chapter can definitely be read as it's own thing, but there is a real story.
May 2, 2016 7:25 p.m. Edited.
VampireArmy says... #25
Something interesting about the paranormal. A woman was found dead with no valid reason. In the linked vidya she's seen playing what people are guessing to be the elevator game
As for the story(ies?) I'll take a gander when i have the time. I should be moving in 2 weeks and preparing this week.
May 2, 2016 7:40 p.m.
When working retail, I saw a customer on meth act in the exact same manor as her. She probably overdosed a little and her heart gave out or something.
May 2, 2016 8:02 p.m. Edited.
VampireArmy says... #27
According to her wiki her autopsy found that she "accidently drowned" and that her bipolar disirder had a hand in it. Also outside of some General ibuprofen and what not, there wasn't any drugs in her system. None that were recreational at least.
But i mean like, how tf do you get into a half filled water tower and drown accidentally? Also why would you go there in there in the first place fully clothed with all of your personal stuff? If it was suicide, there was no indication of why.
May 2, 2016 8:12 p.m. Edited.
I think I might be the first human in world history to utter this sentence:
"A Tank hunting down a Zombie Swordfish on Robotic legs powered by the gas of the decaying fish body"
What the actual fuck Japan.
May 2, 2016 9:03 p.m.
You guys should look into the comics that inspired my name, just insane. Super creepy, and super dark.
Also, other amazing 1 off comic horror:
Neonomicon (supremely ADULT content. Avoid if your sensitive to explicit material, but this comic will have a profound effect on you, not in a good way at all, but this comic just sticks with you)
Caliban (wicked spin on some space horror, best since dead space imo)
And last but not least (also probably most popular due to shock horror) is Crossed. Definitely avoid this if your squeamish as its very detailed in its drawings and gore
May 2, 2016 9:26 p.m. Edited.
Alright, as amusing as the first half of that was, the second half rapidly descended into just plain sick. Would not recommend.
**Regarding the zombie fish manga. Once the machines started capturing humans, it was just kind of gross.
May 2, 2016 9:26 p.m. Edited.
Caligula What's the gore level on Caliban and Crossed? Don't really enjoy horror stuff with a lot of chopped up bodies.
May 2, 2016 9:30 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #33
Are their rape scenes? I legitimately can't do those. I don't use the word "trigger" un-ironically often but that literally will do that to me.
May 2, 2016 10 p.m.
Caliban would definitely be the better choice for you kyuuri117 it's a really cool Sci fi horror that has some gore, but no where near the level of Crossed. It almost borders on absurd levels of gore, but it's supposed to depict a virus that provokes an inner and uncomfortable rage within people and enhance the need for aggressive stimuli.
I won't lie, VampireArmy that comes up in Neonomicon (as its as close to a visual of hp Lovecraftian horror as you can get.) and so does Crossed, so avoid those....
Actually so does Caligula, but it's literally set in rome 37AD sooooo, avoid that too.
Caliban for everyone! Hahaha
May 2, 2016 10:08 p.m.
Well, Dead Space was awesome, so I'll definitely check those out some time.
May 2, 2016 10:27 p.m.
The new Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare trailer that just came out makes it look like a prequel to Halo or Dead Space.
Like, space battles and spartan armor and shit.
May 2, 2016 11:16 p.m.
kyuuri117 It's still bad though, right? Please say it's bad. I don't want a reason to buy it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I do need it. I-wait, no! NOOOO
soz
May 3, 2016 1:29 p.m.
VampireArmy says... #39
funny thing about deadspace. I almost had a literal heart attack from the end scene. Can't remember if it was one or two but a jumpscare put me in an actual state of frozen terror. I blame lack of sleep. Friends still won't let me live it down to this day.
May 3, 2016 1:32 p.m.
I need to go back and play dead space one and two, don't remember them at all.
And 6tennis honestly? It looks like the most interesting call of duty in years. Was forced into buying Advanced Warfare by my friends last year, after skipping the two or three before that, game was terrible. This is the first interesting looking CoD, at least to me, in quite some time.
May 3, 2016 2:28 p.m.
Dead space was sooo good, I loved the characters and atmosphere. Definitely worthy of another playthrough kyuuri117.
@Coinman1863 YAAAAAS. I'm an OG FPS fan, I like the old style shooters of fast pace, ridiculous amounts of ammo and shooting rockets at people's faces.
I miss the old days of Quake 2 =( RIP Q2DM1. I really wish SOME fps would remake that map to play anew.
May 3, 2016 5:50 p.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #44
if we're speaking of dead space has anyone else seen the movies? I personally really liked the first one and the second one definitely had its moments.
May 3, 2016 6:47 p.m.
Femme_Fatale says... #45
Caligula, you do know that Blizzard is making a new Quake+Doom like FPS game? It just entered Beta recently.
May 3, 2016 7:14 p.m.
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #46
@Femme_Fatale if you're referring to overwatch, you've got it all wrong, but I have a feeling you know what you're talking about. Did I miss an announcement recently?
May 3, 2016 7:20 p.m.
Yea, Overwatch is a mix of Team Fortress 2 mixed with Unreal Tournament, not Quake and Doom.
May 3, 2016 8:36 p.m. Edited.
Yeah, Overwatch just seems very similar to TF, TF2.
Definitely not the speed of Quake or Doom.
And even then, Doom adopted Quakes multi-player intensity when they put out Doom 3 after the arena success of Quake 3
DERPLINGSUPREME says... #1
@TheDevicer you got dis.
don't let your first experience salt your apples!
April 28, 2016 11:48 a.m.