Hey MindBoogaloo, could you cool it a bit? Dismissing someone's argument by calling it a narrative doesn't make you smart or right, it just makes you sound like an asshole.

Also, on bullet #1 you state that an MTG card must be produced and distributed by WotC. According to MTG Fandom, what we know of the cards, "is based on Wizards of the Coast employees sharing their cards and what they were awarded for on various social media channels. The cards are not publicly released by Wizards of the Coast itself." So the cards were not publicly distributed by WotC, they are personal gifts as part of a compensation package.

On bullet #2, you say that they must function within the rules of MTG. On Mark Rosewater's Blogatog, he states that they don't go through the normal MTG card design process, and aren't designed or balanced to function within the rules of MTG. Therefore, they don't function within the traditional rules of MTG, and are not cards meant for play (except for the people whose name is printed on them, more on this later).

Additionally, on bullet #3 you state that their physical dimensions must not differ from Magic cards. But, "these cards don't have the regular Magic card back, they aren't legal in any format" (MTG Fandom). There are no legal printing of these cards, like tournament-winning deck cards or oversized cards.

On buullet #4, you state they must include trademarked symbols. They do, and they also include the name of the individual to whom they were paid. True, that small handful of people can use this card in legal play, but it must be within the Commander format. Even then, the Commander Rules Committee is independent of WotC, and any decisions they make on the legality of a card in Commander does not reflect the feeling of WotC on whether or not the card is considered a card, or whether it has passed through any legitimate design process or screening. They are functionally 'Create a Card' challenges done by WotC employees as a form of compensation for others - that doesn't make them MTG cards.

Therefore, according to your own arguments, Heroes of the Realm cards are not cards.

Have a great day.

How about Nyx Weaver, Grapple with the Past, Roots of Wisdom, The Binding of the Titans, and Aftermath Analyst?

Coastal Piracy, as is, but with the subtype Pirate. Better reprints like Bident of Thassa and Reconnaissance Mission have been printed, so it wouldn't break any power ceilings.

I also use Garruk's Uprising in my Zaxara deck for the great card replacement it gives. It sounds crazy, but I'd maybe cut Sylvan Library for it - you can potentially draw more cards off the Uprising (including on opponent's turns) and, rather than losing life, it gives you wide Trample, so it's not a dead card if you draw it while fishing for a wincon Turn 7-9.